Blahg, because I feel blah today. Now, close your eyes. Think back to the worst bout of flu you ever had. How did your head feel? What about your stomach? Did you feel like eating anything? What about your energy? How much did you have? Now. Picture doing normal, everyday things while feeling like this, all while acting positive. Showering? Working? Cleaning?
I am trying really, really hard to not stay positive, but to stay sane. I know that this is EXACTLY what I signed up for, and I would never ever trade it, for anything. I would have love to have prepared myself mentally for what this is. I know there is no preparation for parenthood, or pregnancy... I think I just assumed that I would have control over a few things and would be used to the feelings of nausea and low energy. I get that stuff anyways with gastric bypass. But to be honest, this is not nausea, or exhaustion. This is the flu. But, it never stops. Add on a headache that feels like a wooden vice is wrapped around your head, and the screws tighten every minute, or until you take a Tylenol or lie down. The main things that make me feel better are lying down and sleeping.
Now that I've got that over with, I feel slightly better. Not really, but I figured I should write down how I'm feeling. I know for a fact that I will never remember this a year from now, when I have a sweet little baby who is all I've ever wanted.
I sincerely apologize to those of you who are reading this who just want to feel these symptoms and understand these emotions as your own. It is not my intention to complain or downplay the miracle that is my pregnancy. I do feel it is important to call out the frustrating things as well as the positive things. I don't think I completely understood what this would feel like, for me anyway. Some don't even have these symptoms or to the severity that I'm having them. I might just be a baby, or unable to cope, but I'm experiencing them all the same.
I am going to re-commit to trying to be more positive and focus on what I am enjoying as part of this experience. I am enjoying having a family who is very excited for us. I am enjoying having a husband who is endlessly patient with me, and even though I can tell he gets frustrated with me for being so lazy and so sick, he quietly does what he can to make sure I handle what I can, while he takes care of the rest.
So, I'm sure you can see what I did today. I lay around a lot. I did a few chores, and Arthur did the rest. I worked a little bit in the morning because I had an end-of-week deadline. Other than that, a bunch of naps and even more naps.
How far along: 7 weeks, 3 days
How much time left: 32 weeks, 4 days
Top two symptoms: THE FLU OF DEATH. Also, feelings of hopelessness and being done.
Favorite thing I ate today: A vegan chicken patty. Strange, but it was absolutely delicious.
Mood: I won't rehash what I've typed above. Let's just say... "unpleasant".
Worried about: Breaking eggshells.
Excited for: Something else aside from pregnancy to focus on. Work, anything. Again, I would not trade this for anything in the world. I made this choice, and I wanted - even prayed for it. I'm not taking it back. I'm just asking for a bit of relief.
I am trying really, really hard to not stay positive, but to stay sane. I know that this is EXACTLY what I signed up for, and I would never ever trade it, for anything. I would have love to have prepared myself mentally for what this is. I know there is no preparation for parenthood, or pregnancy... I think I just assumed that I would have control over a few things and would be used to the feelings of nausea and low energy. I get that stuff anyways with gastric bypass. But to be honest, this is not nausea, or exhaustion. This is the flu. But, it never stops. Add on a headache that feels like a wooden vice is wrapped around your head, and the screws tighten every minute, or until you take a Tylenol or lie down. The main things that make me feel better are lying down and sleeping.
Now that I've got that over with, I feel slightly better. Not really, but I figured I should write down how I'm feeling. I know for a fact that I will never remember this a year from now, when I have a sweet little baby who is all I've ever wanted.
I sincerely apologize to those of you who are reading this who just want to feel these symptoms and understand these emotions as your own. It is not my intention to complain or downplay the miracle that is my pregnancy. I do feel it is important to call out the frustrating things as well as the positive things. I don't think I completely understood what this would feel like, for me anyway. Some don't even have these symptoms or to the severity that I'm having them. I might just be a baby, or unable to cope, but I'm experiencing them all the same.
I am going to re-commit to trying to be more positive and focus on what I am enjoying as part of this experience. I am enjoying having a family who is very excited for us. I am enjoying having a husband who is endlessly patient with me, and even though I can tell he gets frustrated with me for being so lazy and so sick, he quietly does what he can to make sure I handle what I can, while he takes care of the rest.
So, I'm sure you can see what I did today. I lay around a lot. I did a few chores, and Arthur did the rest. I worked a little bit in the morning because I had an end-of-week deadline. Other than that, a bunch of naps and even more naps.
How far along: 7 weeks, 3 days
How much time left: 32 weeks, 4 days
Top two symptoms: THE FLU OF DEATH. Also, feelings of hopelessness and being done.
Favorite thing I ate today: A vegan chicken patty. Strange, but it was absolutely delicious.
Mood: I won't rehash what I've typed above. Let's just say... "unpleasant".
Worried about: Breaking eggshells.
Excited for: Something else aside from pregnancy to focus on. Work, anything. Again, I would not trade this for anything in the world. I made this choice, and I wanted - even prayed for it. I'm not taking it back. I'm just asking for a bit of relief.
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