Words of Wisdom

A quote from Jewel:

"Being a mom really has changed my life and touched my heart.  It's such a healing thing.  You know, I'm a kid that had a tough upbringing, you know my mom wasn't around, my dad took over raising us but we had a tumultuous relationship.  Being a mom has really healed so much, it's such an amazing experience and I feel so lucky to be able to experience being a mom.  It's definitely changed what I do and how I do it.  

"You know, it's funny, I was a worrier my whole life, and worrying really robs you of enjoying the present.  I moved out when I was 15... I think you don't make it unless you're constantly looking ahead at what's going to go wrong, how can I make something perfect now, so that it won't go wrong later, looking ahead...  I've had that mentality my whole life.  It served me well, but in a lot of ways it robbed me. There's times I wished I could have stopped, and enjoyed and been proud of myself."

Satisfied

I love the singer Jewel.  I appreciate her music because she has the ability, through song, to express emotions that I feel in my life in a way that I could have never done in words. 

For a long time, I didn't know if I wanted to be a mom.  I knew when I was little that I did, but as I got older, and became comfortable with my life how it was, I thought that I would be happier not having kids.

And then, my sister and my brother both had kids, and something inside of me changed.  I saw how happy they were, and I felt how happy their kids made me.  I realized that I was going to have to make sacrifices to be ready to have kids because I'd been living so long thinking that it would never happen.  Once I made a simple decision that I was going to start figuring out how to prepare myself, it became so easy to see what roadblocks I would have to overcome.  I'm so grateful that I pushed myself, and even now, only 15 weeks in, I'm already starting to feel satisfied.  I'm so excited to be a mom!

I love how Jewel explains what Satisfied means to her in this video.

Here's the song she's talking about in the video above.  I've posted the lyrics below. Please forgive the ending with Regis and Kelly. I loved the live version the most, so I posted it instead of the music video. 


If you love somebody
You better let it out
Don't hold it back
While you're trying to figure it out
Don't be timid
Don't be afraid to hurt
Run toward the flame, run toward the fire
And hold on for all your worth

Cause the only real pain
Your heart can never know
Is the sorrow of regret
When you don't let your feelings show
So did you say it
Did you mean it
Did you lay it on the line, did you make it count
Did you look 'em in the eye & did they feel it
Did you say in time
Did you say out loud
Cause if you did Hun
Then you've lived some
And that feeling inside
That's called satisfied

Horses were built to run
And the sun was meant to shine above
And flowers were made to bloom
Then there's us
We were born
To love
We were born
To love
So did you say it
Did you mean it
Did you lay it on the line, did you make it count
Did you look 'em in the eye & did they feel it
Did you say it in time
Did you say it out loud... oh
Cause if you did Hun
Well then you lived some
And that feeling inside
That's called satisfied

Lullaby

I usually blog in the morning when I'm first waking up, but today's routine was off because Arthur didn't have to work.  So, I was running a bit late so I didn't get a chance to sit down and record my thoughts.

Today was very, very busy.  I had a back-to-back day and I was (thankfully) able to get everything done.  I have been struggling with something pretty annoying, though and I needed to blog about it.

I am so worried that I will miscarry.  I know it's probably a slim chance, and that I'm probably over-worrying myself... but I think I spent too much time on message boards before I got pregnant reading over people posting stuff about it.  Things like, "I'm just now TTC after MC, and..." there were so many posts like that.  Every time I go to the bathroom, I worry that my period will come and that it will all be over.  I hate that I am dealing with this, and I wish it wasn't a concern in my brain.

I didn't really have any symptoms today, which was nice.  I appreciated that I was able to get through the day without being too hungry.  I think it's because I ate a big breakfast.

I think I am going to add favorite thing I ate today to the daily list.  

How far along:  4 weeks TODAY!!
How much time left:  36 weeks
Top two symptoms:  Tired and tired

Favorite thing I ate today:  Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sandwich from Subway.  YUM!

Mood:  I was very serious today.  I think it's because my boss was distracted by something in staff meeting and the mood was very "off".  I emailed her and asked her what was wrong and she brushed me off and told me it was nothing.  Oh, well - you can't please them all.  Other than that, I felt accomplished because I got everything done.  I like feeling that way.  :)

Worried about:  Same as yesterday... that my period will come.  Ugh.

Excited for:  Holding my baby in my arms and singing to them.  I have always loved the song "Sov Gott" (Sleep Well) by Jewel.  I've posted the song below with the Swedish lyrics.  It's a Swedish lullaby song about a wolf and a dolphin who fall in love.  The message I get from the song is that two completely different beings can come together and still share something as simple as love.

   

Swedish Lyrics: Sov gott, vackra delfin Sov gott, jag vita varg Vi har kärlek för varandra För varandra För alltid Sov gott, vackra delfin Sov gott, jag vita varg Vi har kärlek för varandra För varandra För alltid Sov gott Sov gott, jag vita varg Morgonen vaknar Då kysser vi Kysser vi, Kysser vi, Sov gott Sov gott, för alltid Sov gott, vackra delfin Sov gott, jag vita varg Vi har kärlek för varandra För varandra, för alltid Sov gott Sov gott, jag vita varg Morgonen vaknar Då kysser vi, Då kysser vi, för alltid Då kysser vi, för alltid Sov gott Sov gott Sov gott

English lyrics: Sleep well, beautiful dolphin Sleep well, white wolf We have love for each other For each other Forever Sleep well, beautiful dolphin Sleep well, white wolf We have love for each other For each other Forever Sleep well, Sleep well, white wolf Morning wakes Then we kiss We kiss, we kiss Sleep well Sleep well, forever Sleep well, beautiful dolphin Sleep well, white wolf We have love for each other For each other, forever Sleep well Sleep well, white wolf Morning wakes Then we kiss Then we kiss, forever Then we kiss, forever Sleep well Sleep well Sleep well