First Mother's Day and a Letter to Finn

Happy Mother's Day!

In my Hypnobirthing class, my instructor said something on the first night of class that has really stuck with me.  She was redefining some of the terms that people use in relation to pregnancy, labor and delivery.  The reason for this is so you can do away with words that have previously triggered concern or fear when you hear them, such as contractions and pain.  Instead, she suggested calling them "waves" and "pressure".  It was nice to think of the phases in labor this way, because I am a strong believer in using the mind to train yourself how to feel about something. 

Something else she said that first night has stuck with me and I think about it often.  She told us that when we walk into the hospital to have our baby that we are not patients, we are parents.  She looked at each of us women in the eye and said "You are mothers.   You became mothers the moment you conceived your baby.  No one can take that away from you."  I loved hearing that, because secretly I had been feeling this way since I first started symptom tracking before I took my pregnancy test. 

So, even though I am not traditionally a mother yet, with something tangible to hold and show off, I personally feel like I am a mother now.  Women go through a lot of changes that take away their freedom and personal life that prove this point.  I wanted this so bad, and every time I have to make a choice that is better for my baby, I remind myself that it's not about me anymore.  It's tough, I'm not going to lie.  I'm a pretty selfish person sometimes, and to have to stop and think before a lot of the things I do or eat or the way I move my body in every second of every day... it is definitely life changing.

I remember growing up and watching my mom on Mother's Day.  She would always cry.  I never understood why Mother's Day was such a sad day.  She'd tell us that she just wanted a clean house, or kids that didn't fight for one day.  I was always so confused... wasn't this day supposed to be a happy day?  A day that we all hugged our mom and were all really nice to her and made her cards?  I now understand why my mom sometimes had this reaction on Mother's Day. 

With Motherhood comes not only an intense sense love for the little thing I created, but also ridiculous amounts of pride.  Pride that feels as if I deserve more.  I don't think I have ever had these feelings in my life before - feelings like "I am important - look at what I'm doing!"  Sure, I've had people tell me how important and how wonderful I am my whole life.  I've accomplished some pretty cool things.  But none of those things made me feel this much pride, this strongly.  I can now understand that the tears my mother had every year were not just because she loved us, but because she knew that she deserves the best.  I also understand why my mom had every right to cry on Mother's Day.  She did not have the ability to shut it off and smile through it.  She cried because the ridiculous amounts of self worth did not allow her to tolerate anything less than the best on Mother's Day.

I'm sure my Mother's Day will change over the years, and when Baby Finn is actually here to hold, I will cry different tears.  I don't think it's a bad thing to cry, I think it's a great way to show everyone else how emotionally charged this day is.  Now, if my mom cries today, I will smile at her and let my face say "I get it."

Aside from this, I wanted to write an open letter to my baby, because he is the reason that I am a mom for the first time.

Dear Finn,

Good morning!  I can feel you kicking a little this morning on my right side, so I'm grateful you're not standing straight on my bladder.  Thank you for being such a good son already on Mother's Day.  You are usually really good to me anyway, I am already a really lucky mom. 

I wanted to write you a letter on my first Mother's Day because I'm really excited to be your mom - and today is the first day I have a great excuse to do it! 

Your daddy and I are really excited for you to be here.  He has worked really hard on your room to make it super nice for you.  He painted the walls and cleaned the floors and spent a whole weekend making sure it is nice for you.  I have spent many hours sitting and thinking about you and me hanging out in your cool room.  Your crib looks so comfortable!  It takes a lot for me to not jump in and have a little nap under your sweet fish mobile.  You are going to love your room so much!

I can't wait for when you get here.  I think about when you will be born all of the time.  Even though sometimes I eat things like ice cream and kids cereal, I know that you don't judge me.  I try to eat balanced meals as often as I can so you can be healthy and strong.  Plus, when I have a little bit of extra sugar, you do a funny sugar dance inside, which makes me smile.  I love that!

I really don't know what life will be like when you're finally here, but I'm pretty sure that I will be able to make sure you are comfortable, happy and healthy.  I am confident that you and I will work really well together to make sure things run smoothly.  And when they don't, I will have your daddy here to help reassure me that whatever happens is normal, and that I just need to be patient with myself.  All I know is that we will just want you to be happy, comfortable, dry, fed and entertained.  I'm good at doing all of those things for myself - so I'm pretty sure that you will have a very comfortable life.  :)

One thing is for sure, I can't control everything.  I can, however, control how I feel about any given situation and I have always chosen to feel excited about you getting here.  I think about how you and I will be able to hang out all of the time once you're here, and how nice it will be to be able to focus all of my attention on you.  We are already best friends, though, because you and I have already spent so much time together.  I don't mind it one bit, and I'm excited for us to spend lots of time together when you get here. 

I love you, Finn!  I am so grateful that you decided to pick me and your daddy.  I know that you are a very special boy with a very special purpose.  You are already strong, and smart, and funny because I am constantly impressed by the way you move, and how you react to me when I play with you.  You have a sense of humor because I can always tell that you love when I laugh.  I can't wait to laugh with you!  Thank you for not being a boring baby.  When I decided to be a mom, one of the reasons was because wanted to stop having a boring life.  You have definitely made my life more exciting!  How lucky I am!

I will see you soon, hopefully in about 2 months.  That's not too bad!  That's like if it was November 1 and I couldn't wait for Christmas.  I can totally wait the 2 months to see you.  The good news is that I already get to hang out with you every day.  I get to feel you move, and I get to laugh at your hiccups.  The only thing missing is being able to hold you and see you.  I can't wait!  You are so special!  I love you!

Here is a picture of the beautiful Mother's Day flowers your daddy got me.  They make me very happy and remind me that we are now a family.  We love you so much, and every time I see this picture, I will be reminded that becoming a Mom to you was one of the best things I could have ever done.  :)

Love,
Mom

Less than 10 weeks left!

Here's the pregnancy update you've all been waiting for.  :)  I still have a few more posts that I'd love to make this week, if time allows.  Sometimes it's difficult to take a few minutes and just think through what I'd like to blog about.  I know all of the topics I'd like to talk for hours about... but getting them down is the difficult part.

I figured I should start with how my pregnancy is going.  :)

The last time I updated was just before I was 28 weeks.  I am now just short of 31 weeks.  Less than 10 weeks to go!  I hear that these last 10 weeks fly by.  I can tell why they will for me, for sure.  I have a bunch of fun things planned from now until my "guess date" of July 11.  Baby showers and short getaways are going to fill my weekends from now until I'm 36ish weeks.

Because of my ovarian cyst on my right ovary, I have had monthly appointments with my OB to make sure it's not growing larger.  At my 28 week appointment, Arthur and I went in looking forward to seeing Baby Finn again.  It was also going to be the appointment where I had my initial glucose test.

We showed up at 8:50 AM (my appointment was at 9:50 AM) just before they opened so I could get my glucose drink.  I went in and they gave it to me.  They told me I needed to come back in exactly an hour so they could draw my blood to test to see if I am at risk for gestational diabetes.  They also told me I had to get it down within 5 minutes.

Most people complain that it makes them feel gross, or sick, or dizzy.  I was anticipating all of these things, so Arthur and I just drove around in my car checking out the city of American Fork and Pleasant Grove.  I chugged it and sat back waiting for the worst.  It was really sweet, and it tasted like cherry Kool-Aid.  To me, it was simply delicious.  I waited and waited and I never felt gross, or sick.  At the very least, I felt like I had a slight headache.

After the hour was up, Arthur and I went back into the doctor's office and they took my blood.  They told me that they would have the results by Monday.  They called me on Monday to let me know that everything was normal, and I'm not diabetic.  :)

We waited in the waiting room for nearly an hour until they were able to get us into the ultrasound room to check out my cyst.  The tech measured it and we were happy to see that it had shrunk a little.  That was a bit of a relief, although it's not gone all together.  After the ultrasound, we went back to the waiting room.  We waited for another hour or so to get back to see our OB.

We went in and I talked through some of the questions I have had on my mind about a few different things.  He was good about answering them and making me feel better.  One of the things I was concerned about was Finn's movement sometimes being jerky or repetitive... kind of like a seizure.  He said that it was just the uterus contracting rapidly, and it was nothing to worry about.  That made me feel better too.  :)

At the end of the appointment, I pulled out my birth plan.  Now, I have a fairly specific birth plan, and I knew that I couldn't go over all of the details - or else I'd overwhelm the OB.  So, I picked out my top 5 most important things that I wouldn't be willing to compromise.  I will probably go over these in my Birth Plan blog entry... that will be later this week.  :)

The short of it is that we ended up realizing that my OB wasn't going to be able to (at the least) honor the 5 most important things of my upcoming birth.  I was a little sad that something as simple as a top 5 list request from his patient was too much for him to agree to.  I'll talk more about this later...

Since that appointment, I've been feeling really good, generally speaking.  Finn is moving all of the time now, and I am really enjoying his kicks.  It's nice that they're not so deliberately planted in my bladder, and that they're more like rolling movements rather than kicking.  I'm pretty sure the rib kicks will come soon, so I just need to enjoy these times.

I have had some backaches start and some mild headaches come back.  I think this is probably normal as I get closer to the end.  I haven't felt any contractions (practice surges) yet, and I am looking forward to those for sure.

That's pretty much it, pregnancy update-wise.  My next few entries will be about my birth plan and my Trying to Conceive story.  I'm excited to write them!  :)

How far along:  30 Weeks, 4 Days
How much time left:  9 Weeks, 3 Days

Top two symptoms:  Backache and headache, most of the day.  My back generally hurts on the way to work and at work in my chair.  My head starts to hurt about halfway through the day.  Annoying, but bearable.  :)

Favorite thing I ate today:  I had a salad for lunch.  It was great!

Mood:  Anxious!  I hate how I feel like I want everything to be planned right now.  My nursery, my baby showers, everything.  I want to chill and let things happen like I normally do... but I think that I'm starting to get some form of weird nesting feelings like I need to get things planned, set up, etc.  I apologize in advance to my family and Arthur for how weird I may be over the next couple of months.  :)

Worried about:  I worry a bit about having time off before the birth so I can be in a safe place for my labor.  I can't even imagine going into practice labor or even real labor while I'm at work.  I also know I can't put my life on hold while I'm waiting for Finn to decide that it's time to get here.  Patience!

Excited for:  Now that the nursery is almost done, I'm super super SUPER excited to finish the details.  The painting is all done, and tomorrow is the carpet cleaning appointment.  My older brother Leo is coming over on Wednesday night to have dinner with us and help Arthur move the dresser upstairs.  I just want to get Finn's room ready to go!!!!!  I'm definitely nesting, or something.  :)

Nursery Progress

On both my side and Arthur's side, our families are both really excited for Baby Finn to get here.  We have been gathering gifts since we found out we were pregnant.  We've had Christmas, Easter, and both of our birthdays happen since we found out.  So, there have been ample opportunities for our family and friends to get us stuff.

My little brother Mike has been living with Arthur and me since before I found out I was pregnant.  He's been in the guest room, which would be the nursery.  He just moved out this past week and so Arthur and I were excited to get started on Finn's room.  I've been saving every piece of clothing and toy in my office next to Mike's room, and so I was ready to start having somewhere to store Finn's stuff.  Is that what Nesting feels like?!  ;)

Mike moved out on Thursday, and Thursday after work Arthur and I went to Home Depot to pick out some paint colors.  We ended up choosing a really light blue and a light tan color. 

Finn's nursery theme is going to be Under the Sea, with ocean creatures like fish, whales, etc.

Arthur also got some white paint for the ceiling, baseboards and closet.  Arthur spent a good part of the night cleaning up the room by washing the walls and blinds.  We will still need to get the carpet clean, since we've never done that in there. 

Thursday night Arthur stayed up late and painted the ceiling first.  I went in there on Friday morning and got this picture of the ceiling painted and the current paint color on the walls:

Once he had the ceiling painted, he got started on the blue walls.  He was able to get 2 coats on Friday while I was at work.

Once that was dry, he painted the accent wall the light tan color and finished up the closet and painted that white.  I was so anxious to move some of Baby Finn's stuff in!  Thank goodness I have such a hard working talented husband to take care of the entire nursery in just 24 hours!

Here is the corner  where the blue wall and the accent wall meet.  You can see the start of Finn's toy collection.  I love the colors!

Here is the back side of the room by the closet.  You can see the start of our clothes collection.  Arthur did such an excellent job with the paint!

Here's the other side showing the other blue wall.

We have a lot of stuff to still move in.  Our next steps are to first get the carpets cleaned, next to move his crib in and buy a mattress, then to move his dresser and my rocker in.  I'm glad I still have 2 months left to get this stuff done!  :)  If you want to see pictures of my crib and dresser, click here to go to the blog entry about it. 

So far, here are the toys that are sitting on his window seat:

Here are his clothes in the closet!  The left side is entirely full, and the right side has some of the bigger sizes.  We are doing pretty good for only having had 1 baby shower so far!  I'm still excited to get some more great stuff though.  :)

Arthur has also collected a few things on his own for Baby Finn.  He did a bit of shopping on Disney.com and was able to get a few really cute Finding Nemo things.  He even got a cute towel with Finn's name stitched into it!

If you can't tell, we are extremely excited to get Finn here so he can enjoy his new room.  :)  I'm still really excited for my other 3 baby showers.  We're having 1 with my Bountiful friends and family in Mid May.  We're having another one in Boise with my cousins who live up there.  My grandma also lives up there and so I'd love to have her involved as well.  That will be over Memorial Day weekend.  My last shower will be with Arthur's family, which will probably happen in June.  A few people have asked about our registry.

We are registered at Target and Babies R Us. 

Click here to go to the Babies R Us Registry
Click here to go to the Target Registry
 

First Baby Shower

I love my job and the people I work with.  I have one of the most close-knit teams ever.  I have been working on the Quality Team since September of 2010, about 2 and a half years.  There are 6 girls and 1 guy on my team, plus my boss.  Since both my boss and I are pregnant at the same time, my team decided to throw us a joint baby shower at work.

One day I came back to my desk and there was a cute little envelope on my desk with a bubble gum cigar next to it.  I opened it up and it was the invitation!

The big day came this past Thursday, May 2.  My team scheduled a hour in a meeting room and we all gathered in there.  The decorations were so cute! 

 Here's the door to the meeting room and some of the decorations on the wall:

 

Here is the table with the party favors and the plates.  The party favors had little blue candy in it like suckers and butter mints.  For snacks, we had peanut butter Cheerios balls and Cinnamon Roll cake.  So delicious!  I'm glad I have someone on my team who knows how to bake so well!

 

Here is the banner and the white board where they wrote congratulations on it.

Here are some of the members of my team and some of the gifts at the end of the table. 

I got a lot of really great stuff.  My boss got me my diaper bag on my registry, which was pretty amazing.  I love my diaper bag!!  I know it looks a little boring in this picture, but really it's not.  I picked it because it's brown (my favorite color), and it has a million pockets for stuff.  It also has a long strap that I can wear over my shoulder so I can be hands free.  Arthur also won't feel weird carrying it.  :)

I also got this pretty sweet Baby Donald outfit.  I will have to explain the Baby Donald story in another blog entry. 

Overall, it was an awesome first baby shower.  I still have 3 more to go.  :)

4D Ultrasound!

For Valentine's Day, Arthur got me a gift card to Motherhood Maternity and an IOU for a 4D ultrasound and a maternity massage.  I was mostly excited for the 4D ultrasound because I wanted to be able to see Baby Finn's face.  He told me that he talked to the people at Fetal Fotos and they said that the best time to get the 4D ultrasound is between 28 and 32 weeks because he won't be as squished in there.

There are some differences between 2D, 3D and 4D.  2D is just the black and white lined pictures you see in your normal OB ultrasounds at the doctor.  That's the kind of ultrasound we used to find out his gender.  3D is what it says, which is 3 dimensional pictures of the baby.  4D incorporates the movement of the video.  So, if you just get a 3D ultrasound, you only get to see non-moving pictures of the baby.  If you get a 4D ultrasound, you can actually see him moving around inside.  We went for the 4D because it comes with a video and so I can watch it again and again.  :)

Arthur and I looked forward to 28 weeks for a long time.  The week of the ultrasound, I drank a lot of water.  The day of the ultrasound, I drank so much water, I thought I was going to drown.  I hear that drinking a lot of water helps the pictures look really clear due to the extra amniotic fluid or something. 

After work on a Wednesday, the day before I was 29 weeks, Arthur and I went to Fetal Fotos.  We went in and the girl took us back to the ultrasound room.  I lay on the table and she started the TV.  She put the ultrasound wand on me and we saw Finn's profile first.  She would get the image just right based on the position on the 2D ultrasound screen.

Once she found a good spot, she turned on the 4D so we could see him.  It was incredible!  He had the umbilical cord up by his face so that was a little bit in the way, but you could still see his cute nose and eyes.  She moved it around a bit, and was able to finally get a shot that didn't have the cord in the way. 

In my opinion, he looks just like baby Arthur.  I will post some pictures of Baby Arthur below so you can see the similarities!

PS, look how cute Baby Arthur is!  Look at his happy little smile in the second picture!!

Here are some of my favorite shots of Finn's face in the ultrasound.  Notice how similar the nose and mouth is to Arthur's! 

The ultrasound girl also took some pictures of Finn's feet and hand.  Here is a picture of Finn's feet crossed.  You can see his toes at the top.  Finn also has the same feet as Arthur. 

Here is a picture of his hand.  You can see where the arrow is pointing, that's his pointer finger knuckle.  If you look down from there, you'll see his pinky finger curling to the left. 

Seeing little Finn this way really helped me feel connected to him.  It was much more real knowing that I have this little human inside of me that looks so much like Arthur.  I'm sure that as he gets older he will look a little like me too.  :)