My Birth Story

Hi everyone!  Sorry for the delay in updating my blog.  I wanted to take the time needed to write this story down and share it with those who were interested in reading it.

I have taken the breaks that Baby Finn is giving me between feedings to write down my thoughts.  I will warn you, it's very long.  So, for those of you who prefer to get the Campbell's Soup (condensed) version, I've typed up a brief list of events instead of the long story.  For those of you who like the details, they are all here.  :)

My Birth Story - The Short Version:

I was 38 weeks when I went to my routine weekly checkup with the midwives.  They checked my ovarian cyst because they thought it was causing pain.  In the ultrasound, they found that the cyst was fine, and that I had low amniotic fluids.  Because it was low enough to cause concern, I was induced on June 28 at American Fork Hospital.

I labored for 12 overnight hours on Pitocin with no epidural.  I was able to get through the contractions through breathing and using hypnobirthing techniques.  I also had a great support system there to help me work through the pain.  My husband Arthur spent hours providing counter pressure on my knees to get me through.

I got an epidural after the 12 hours so I could rest.  I labored for an additional 6 hours and was able to progress fairly quickly due to being more relaxed and rested. 

I had Baby Finn at 12:55 PM after 18 hours of labor, and he was happy and healthy when he arrived. 

Now, for the long version for those of you interested in reading it.  :)

My Birth Story - The Long Version:

Before I went into labor:

My birth story starts earlier than when I went into labor.  I consider the beginning of my birth story to include my 20 week ultrasound because there are pieces of what I learned there that tie into my labor story.

I believe the 20 week ultrasound was my first glance into the world that my baby comes from.  The view and the information you get from that 2D black and white screen is invaluable.  I feared my 20 week ultrasound, and was also excited.

Some of the fears I had were related to whether or not we would spot any heart problems or growth defects.  I also worried about his size and his development.  I wanted a normal baby, just like everyone else does.

When we went to the ultrasound, the tech was doing the initial checks on my anatomy, such as finding my cervix, and my ovaries.  She was able to locate my left ovary but not my right one.  She asked me if I had any pain in my abdomen, and I told her that I didn't.  She told me that the reason for her asking was because she had spotted a large cyst sitting where my ovary should be.  She pointed out a big black circle on the screen. 

She told me that it didn't look too bad, but that she still wanted my OB doctor to take a look at it.  She printed out some ultrasound pictures that he would look over when we had our meeting with him later.

When it came to baby, she said everything looked normal.  I was so relieved, and happy.  I did have a new concern and fear that replaced my worry about my baby, though.  I looked forward to my OB telling me more about the cyst.

In the meeting with my OB, he told me that it was a simple cyst and that it was just fluid-filled and it shouldn't cause any issue with the growth or delivery of my baby.  He said the only thing that concerned him was the size of the cyst, 8 CM - or as big as a baseball. 

My main worry about the cyst was that it was going to cause issue when I was delivering.  I was afraid of the pain it would cause if it ruptured or twisted.  I read horror stories about the pain that this kind of cyst can cause.  With my desire to have a natural childbirth, this didn't go well together.

Fast forward to when I was 28 weeks.  I had been having monthly ultrasounds with the same OB.  He told me that the cyst wasn't growing any bigger, and that it was staying the same size.  I also hadn't been experiencing any pain, so I wasn't very worried about it anymore. 

I ended up "firing" this OB because he did not respond kindly to my birth plan when I presented it to him.  I went in with my top 5 preferences for my birth.

 These preferences were:

1.      I wanted to labor at home for as long as possible, and not be induced by Pitocin or Cytotec.  I also did not want Cervidil to soften my cervix. 

2.      I did not want an IV or a hep lock.  A hep lock is a port that they put in your hand to initiate an IV quickly if needed, and it is not connected to an IV line.

3.      I wanted intermittent monitoring of the fetal heartbeat and my contractions.  I didn't want to have them strapped to me during my stay at the hospital.

4.      I did not want my water broken by anyone.  I wanted it to release naturally through the laboring process.

5.      When baby Finn was born, I wanted to make sure that the cord was able to pulse and go flat and empty before it was clamped and cut.  My request was to wait at least a minute for this to happen.

I have the why's behind all of these birth plan preferences, but I figured I would share them if anyone asked me specifically why they were important to me. 

Since my OB did not respond positively and kindly to my top 5 (let alone my other specific preferences), I knew that he wasn't going to be able to support me in my desire for the birth I had been envisioning.

I was able to find a new group of physicians to support me, even though I was already 32 weeks when I transferred my records.  I decided to go with a group of midwives and OBs who had been highly recommended by my Hypnobirth Instructor, Lauralyn Curtis.  I scheduled my first appointment with the midwives at Central Utah Clinic to occur at my 32 week appointment.

When I went to see Claudia the midwife, she was amazing at listening to me and responding positively to my top 5 preferences.  She even told me before I went over them that the group of midwives she works with already do them.  She did discuss some alternative perspectives about me keeping an open mind, and I appreciated that she was assertive enough to explain why this is important.

I met bi-weekly with them until I reached 36 weeks, and then I started meeting weekly with them.  Every appointment I was told that everything was looking fine and that Baby Finn's heartbeat and growth rate was looking great.

The day everything changed:

At my 38 week appointment on Friday, June 28, Arthur and I went to see a nurse practitioner (NP) instead of a midwife, since she was the only one available that day.  She measured me at 37.5 CM for my fundal height and was able to get Finn's heartbeat right away.  She confirmed that he was head down and wasn't sure of his position and whether or not he was facing forward or backward.  She said he still had a couple of weeks to spin facing backwards before he was going to get here.

She asked me if I had any questions, so brought up that I had some pain earlier in the week on Monday.  The pain had been low, on my right side about where my cyst was last seen in an ultrasound.  The pain had been intense, so much that I was walking bent over at work and the only thing that would ease it was lying down.  The NP was concerned and so she decided to have me get an ultrasound just to check on the cyst to see if it had turned on itself or if it had ruptured.

The only appointment available for an ultrasound was 2 hours later, so Arthur and I decided not to go home, but to stay out and about until that time.  I was scheduled to work from home, and figured I could email my boss and let him know that I hadn't been able to get online after the fact, and request PTO for the whole day off.

Arthur and I spent a few minutes at Babies R Us looking around.  I remember thinking as we walked through the store that I was all ready with everything I needed for a baby.  We couldn't find anything to buy.  It was one of the first times we walked out of that store empty-handed.  Arthur and I were going to stop somewhere to eat, but I couldn't decide what I wanted.  Now, thinking back, I wished I would have eaten something.  :)

We got Jamba Juice because of how hot it was outside.  We drank that and drove back to the clinic to get my ultrasound.  I remember worrying about my bladder, because they told me I'd have to drink as much as possible so they could see the cyst.  I waddled into the clinic and told them that I was ready and that my bladder was very full.  They were able to get us right back to do the ultrasound.

We went into the ultrasound room.  We were both secretly really excited that we'd been offered an ultrasound so we could see Baby Finn.  It had been 10 weeks since the last time we'd seen him in an ultrasound.

I lay down on the table, and she started it up.  She searched for my cyst down low where my pain had been earlier.  She wasn't able to see it.  She moved the wand around quite a bit, but it was nowhere to be found.  She confirmed that Baby Finn was head down, so that was a relief to actually see it. 

She moved the wand to the upper right side.  She found the cyst!  There it was, big, black and looming.  She measured it and said that it was still 8CM.  I was slightly relieved when she found it, and happy that it hadn't grown much more.  Because it was intact, and it was still considered simple, she said there wasn't anything concerning with the cyst.

She then proceeded to measure the water in the amniotic sac.  She looked at the deepest areas where there should be the most fluid from the baby to the wall, such as the areas behind his knees.  She told me that there wasn't a lot of fluid. 

After the ultrasound, she sent us back to a room to wait for our NP to go over the results.  Another nurse returned and let us know that we needed to do a non-stress test to check to see if Baby Finn was in distress from having low fluids.  I became nervous, because I knew that a non-stress test meant that they were going to have more data to back up any interventions that could happen.  I took some deep breaths and reassured myself (with Arthur's help of course) that it would be ok. 

My hypnobirthing really helped at this point, because some of my affirmations came into my mind.  Statements like "I trust my body and I follow its lead" and "I follow whatever path my birthing takes."  I needed to relax because if I was stressed in the non-stress test, then that could mean Baby Finn would feel it and it could affect his heart rate, etc.

We went into the non-stress test room and Arthur and I both got to sit in one of the big comfortable leather recliners.  I had the nurse explain to Arthur what a non-stress test was.  The non-stress test is so they can watch how Baby Finn reacts to my contractions, and see if his heart rate changes.  To "pass" the non-stress test, the nurse said they like to see a baseline heart rate, and at least 3 rises and 3 drops in the rate from this baseline to show that the baby is having normal ups and downs in the rate.  If the rate stayed too low or too high during the contractions, we would know that there was a problem. 

She hooked me up to the machine with those two monitors attached to fat soft elastic bands.  I was surprised to see that I was actually having contractions.  Arthur was able to watch the monitor and tell me when my contractions were really strong.  I focused and was able to identify how they felt, since I had been worried that I'd never felt any contractions up to the 38 weeks in my pregnancy.  It felt like stretching, from way down low up to the top of my uterus.  It wasn't painful, but I could feel the pressure from the stretch all throughout my abdomen.  I think I had just not known that those feelings were contractions until I had something telling me that it was a contraction.

The nurse came back in after 20 minutes and looked at the results.  She said that she was seeing some good rises and drops and that we may be ok.  She said that the NP would have the final say, though.  For the rest of the test, I tried to breathe really deeply and relax the best I could.  My though process was focused on having a positive outcome that would allow for the NP to say that Baby Finn did well and that we could go on with our lives.

After the test, Arthur and I went back into the patient room and waited for the NP to come in.  When she did, she looked a little concerned.  She told us that the results had come back normal, and that Baby Finn wasn't in a high level of distress.  She did say that there was a slight hiccup during one of my contractions where his heart rate did drop a little bit.  She said that she would have the OB in the clinic that day look at the results and recommend the best course of action.

She then started talking about the fluid levels around Baby Finn.  She said that they use a calculation to determine how much fluid is around the baby.  They take several measurements and add them up to a specific number. The number is called the amniotic fluid index (AFI) evaluation or deep pocket measurements. If an AFI shows a fluid level of less than 5 centimeters, then there is risk to the cord when there is a contraction or labor because there is no cushion between the baby and the wall of the uterus.  She told us our number was less than 5, and was sitting around a 4.7.  She said that if the fluid had been at 1-2, then she would have taken me for a c-section right away.  She said that if the fluid is from 3 - 5, then it is strongly recommended to induce immediately. 

I asked her what our other options were.  One of the things we learned in hypnobirth class was to ask BRAWN.  What are the benefits?  Risks?  Are there any alternatives?  What happens if we wait?  What happens if we do nothing?  I started to scramble with worry and asked her if we could go home and drink a lot of water and get checked again on Monday.  She said that could be an option, but the main risk is that Baby Finn could have an issue with his umbilical cord becoming pinched between his body and the wall of the uterus because there is so little fluid to cushion him. 

She went to check with the OB on the results of the non-stress test, and Arthur and I talked about it while she was away.  I was very worried that she would tell me that I needed to be induced, by Pitocin, or another method that day.  Arthur commented that if Baby Finn was at risk then maybe it's the right thing to do.  He mentioned that it could be that day that we go in to have Baby Finn.  It was suddenly very real in my mind.

She came back and said that the OB had looked at the numbers and that he also recommended that we induce labor right away and not wait.  I took some deep breaths and cried a bit as I asked her what that meant for the process.  She said they would use Pitocin or Cytotec to induce the labor, and that they might use Cervidil to help soften my cervix.  At this point, I cried for real and she empathized with me and said she knew that I had a birth plan to go naturally.  I really did feel like she was sorry and that there was something more that could be done.  I declined Cytotec because it is a pill that you take.  Once the contractions start, then you can't stop them.  It can cause uterine rupture, or death.  I told her I would prefer Pitocin because you can turn that drip off if needed unlike Cytotec.

She told me that she wanted to check me to see how much I was dilated.  I consented because I wanted to know what I was up against.  When she checked me, she said that I was only about 1 CM open.  I was pretty upset at that point, knowing that there was a long way to go.

Arthur and I finally agreed that induction was the safest thing for Baby Finn, knowing that his cord could have a problem if he continued to live in such a little amount of fluid.  The NP told us to go home and pack our things and be back to American Fork Hospital within the hour.

We drove home and on the way there, I felt like I was in a bad dream.  I felt in shock that my whole birth plan was going out the window.  Everything that I had prepared for with my natural birth was going to be changed by the induction.  I would have an IV.  I would have contractions that I may or may not be able to handle without an epidural.  I would not be able to labor in a tub, at home up to the point of being at a 7 or an 8.  I would be opening the door to all of the interventions that I had been so against almost my whole pregnancy.

I cried silently as we got closer to our house.  When we got there, I grabbed the last-minute things I needed that I hadn't packed yet.  I was grateful that I had prepared a "grab list" of things that I would need when it was time to go to the hospital.  Arthur loaded everything into our Toyota Scion XB (the carseat is in that car), and we were on our way.  When we parked at the hospital, Arthur took my picture in front of it because I felt like I should document that it was the last moment we would have together outside before our baby was here.

At the hospital:

We went in and went straight to labor and delivery.  I remember picking up the phone to call the nurses desk to unlock the door to let us in.  I felt awkward saying "I'm here to deliver" as the reason for us coming to labor and delivery.  It was surreal.

They buzzed us in and took us right to our delivery room.  The nurse showed me my personal belongings bag to put my street clothes in.  She also got me out a gown.  I asked her if I could wear my own clothes, as I had bought my birthing gown.  She told me that it would probably get dirty/bloody/gross.  I thought for a moment and knew that I wanted to wear it for my actual birth and that I would be ok wearing the hospital gown for the first part of the labor in case my water broke. 

I remember walking into the bathroom and looking at the tub and crying again that I wouldn't be able to spend time in there. 

I came out and changed into the hospital gown.  Arthur took a video of me sitting on the edge of the bed because I wanted to document where I was at that point.  I remember consciously thinking that I should be a little positive in case Baby Finn watched the movie someday.  I didn't want him to think that we were not ready for him to come, or not happy for his early arrival.  Now, looking back and watching the movie, it is easy to see how anxious and sad I am.

For some reason, this video won't play on iPhones.  It works on computers, both Mac and PC.

 

After I was dressed, the nurse came in and told me it was time to start my Pitocin IV.  It was about 6:00 PM at this point.  I'd heard a few horror stories from some of my family members who told me that they were started too high on the drip, and the contractions came on very strong, very fast.  I imagined it being like I was hit by a bus.  I told the nurse I wanted to start out at the lowest possible setting.  She said that there were settings by increments of 2.  She said if I started at a 2, it could double the amount it takes to get into active labor.  She said that the contractions leading up to active labor were not as bad, and that I should avoid prolonging it if possible.  I thought through it, and realized that I was going to want to get this over with as soon as possible.  I agreed to start at a 4.  She told me that every 30 minutes, she would come in and turn it up 4 more points, to a maximum of 20.  She also reassured me that the contractions would not hit me like a bus, and that they would slowly get more and more strong with each one, and that it would give me time to adjust to the stronger ones.

She hooked me up to the IV and started the drip.  For the first few minutes, I felt nothing.  As I was waiting for something to happen, Arthur went to get a movie from the hospital so we could watch it together to keep my mind off of the fact that I was being induced.  He came back with Look Who's Talking, which is one of the classic movies that shows the type of birth I don't want to have.  Screaming, yelling and breathing incorrectly.  I laughed at him and told him I would probably look away at those parts. 

As the contractions started to roll in, my sister and my friend called me.  It was funny because I would have contractions throughout the conversation and I would have to breathe through them and pause what I was saying.  I got through the conversations pretty well, and could tell that the contractions were getting stronger.

The labor intensifies:

As they started to get worse, I started using my surge breathing technique that I learned in Hypnobirth class.  I would breathe slowly in for as long as I could and regulate my breath out as slowly as I could.  Both breaths came in and out my nose.  The breathing really helped me feel like my body was relaxed through them.

At one point, I remember standing up was helpful as I was able to move back and forth from one foot to the other to breathe through them.  Arthur was able to get this on video.

For some reason, this video won't play on iPhones.  It works on computers, both Mac and PC.

For the first few hours, I was able to manage through them ok.  I found that lying down in the bed was the most comfortable position for me.  I listened to music and met each contraction with a big deep breath.  At this point, I wasn't using any sort of visualizations, aside from focusing on my breathing and how big I could make my lungs as I met each contraction.  Arthur didn't need to do much in the first couple of hours because I was doing great managing through them on my own.  He watched Look Who's Talking and ate snacks.  He kept asking me if I needed anything, and I just breathed through more contractions in response.

Once they started picking up, they began to get stronger and closer together.  There were several times in the middle of the night, probably around 2 or 3 AM that I felt like I couldn't do it anymore.  I kept trying my best to move around into different positions, within the short periods of time I had between each contraction.

I spent some time standing up, shifting my weight back and forth between my feet.  I put the birthing ball on the bed and leaned against it the best I could, considering the fact that I had the monitor cords coming from my left side and my IV coming out of my right hand.  It was really difficult to feel like I could be mobile enough to get comfortable.  I do believe I would have been more comfortable if I could have eliminated one of the two things tethering me to the bed.  But, because monitoring is required with Pitocin, I didn't really have a choice. 

Other positions I tried were hugging Arthur around the neck, as if we were slow dancing.  I really wanted to do this one so he could support my weight.  When we were in the Daddy Doula course, I felt like this position was going to the bet the best for me, since Arthur is so tall and he is so strong and able to support my weight.  The first time I tried it, my arm was pulled back by the IV cord.  I couldn't get in a position that was comfortable enough to do this.  It frustrated me a lot.

I also tried sitting on the edge of the bed, and lying on my side.  most of these positions were only comfortable for maybe 1 or 2 short contractions, and then they got to be too painful to deal with. 

I was able to manage through them mostly with breathing, and when I had position that shifted my mind from focusing on my breathing, then I wasn't able to successfully handle them without feeling pain.  The most effective position for me ended up being in bed, sitting up slightly, with a pillow behind my lower back, under each arm, under my knees and under my feet. The nurse had to go to another room to get me additional pillows, because I was using 6 pillows.

Around 4 AM, it had been more than 12 hours since I ate last, and I hadn't had any sleep.  I was exhausted.  I had slept in the day previously until 8AM, which is not normal for me.  I had been waking up around 5AM most mornings for work, so the fact that I slept in a bit was a good thing. Although, this didn't matter much after almost 10 hours of overnight labor. 

A few times I would go to the bathroom since I was on saline drip to keep me hydrated.  I didn't like having contractions on the toilet, because it hurt to sit on that hard seat.  I usually had 2-3 contractions each time I went to the bathroom.  It took me awhile to get in and out.

I remember one bathroom trip pretty clearly.  I remember sitting there wondering how I was going to get myself through to more active labor and how I was going to even have the energy to get my baby out.  I worried about a C-Section being my result because of how tired I was, and how quickly the contractions were coming.

As I came out of the bathroom, I told Arthur I wasn't sure I could do it much longer and that I wanted to know what my pain management options were.  I didn't say my "code word" which was supposed to be said only if I was ready for an epidural and I wouldn't be argued with.  I felt like if I told Arthur that I was at a place mentally that I was nearing needing an epidural, he might be able to help get me out of that place.

As I sat down on the bed, I remember doing so a little off-centered.  I felt a bit of wetness and I glanced down at my legs.  I realized that my water had broken.  It wasn't a huge gush, just a little flick of water.  I had my nurse check, and she confirmed that it was my water, and that it was only a small amount.  This reassured me that my fluid really had been low.  I was grateful that it released on its own.

A good strategy:

One of the nurses was excellent, her name was Heather. She suggested that Arthur try some counter pressure on my knees during the contractions.  They had me get back in bed, and sit it up a bit so I wasn't so reclined.  I put my pillows on either side of my body under my arms, and bent my knees up.  Arthur stood at the foot of the bed and pushed the palms of his hands into the area just below my  knees as each contraction came.  This put major pressure on my  lower back and allowed me to counteract the pain with his pressure. 

I put on a track called Reflections that I had downloaded from The Birth Year.  My Hypnobirth instructor's husband wrote the tracks.  (http://www.thebirthyear.com/artists/israel-curtis/ ) It was a beautiful, abstract ambient song that allowed me to create an amazing visualization during my contractions.

I hadn't ever found a visualization throughout my labor that had helped me stay focused and get me into the zone.  I had thought of different things that Arthur and I had practiced, but none of them really took me away like I needed them to.  This song brought up some amazing images in my mind that took me to a beautiful river.  It was similar to the Snake River in Idaho near our family's cabin.  I remember visualizing myself lying in a canoe and putting my arms and legs out and floating along.  I would pass a boat occasionally that Finn was sitting in.  He was not a baby in my visualization, though.  He was about 6 or 7.  He waved at me each time and called out "Hi mom!" 

Just thinking of this is bringing back such strong emotions.  I remember thinking about how happy and relaxed I was floating down that river.  I could feel the warm sun on my face, and I could hear the birds and the wind. 

I recall going to this place at the beginning of each surge.  I would take a huge deep breath and make a motion with my hand so Arthur knew my contraction was starting.  He would lunge forward and press with all of his might into my knees.  My eyes rolled back in my head as I took myself back to that river and saw Finn in the boat once again waving at me.  This worked every time, and at one point, I was so relaxed I was able to fall asleep in between some of the contractions.

The timing between the contractions was not consistent.  Some breaks were 2-3 minutes, some were 40 seconds, and some were closer to 4 minutes.  The longer breaks were great, but they also scared me.  I constantly came out of my trancelike state to check on my Pitocin drip.  I was so worried that there was a kink in the line.  A kink in the line meant that once it was released, there would be a bigger dose of the drug into my veins.  This would usually result in a contraction that was too strong to handle.  At this point, I had been at a 20 on the drip amount for hours.  It was the maximum dosage.

I remember at one point during these surges a very memorable experience.  I had just come back from one of the surges, and I opened my eyes briefly and smiled at Arthur.  I called out "Arthur, I'm doing it!"  I was so proud of myself that I had finally found my rhythm.

Around 6AM, we had been doing these knee presses for nearly 3 hours.  I could tell that Arthur was physically exhausted, and I needed to get up and go to the bathroom.  When I returned to the bed, I tried to get back into my position.  I wasn't able to, and the knee presses started to be more painful than helpful.  I was so frustrated that I had gotten up.

My Midwife that was on duty at the hospital came in to check me at this point.  I was interested to hear how I had progressed in the hours that I had been laboring.  I had my headphones on, and I was breathing through a contraction as she told Arthur were I was.  I looked at his face and he looked visually upset.  He shook his head and looked at me.  I pulled my headphone back and asked him if I wanted to know.  He just looked down and said that I had only progressed to a 3, after nearly 12 hours of hard labor.

The beginning of the end:

I had a moment of sadness, but mostly I felt like I was never going to be able to continue, knowing that we had been working so hard and that I had not progressed like I needed to.  I took another bathroom break to handle the emotions that I was dealing with. 

As I came back into the room, a surge hit me really hard.  I couldn't manage through it with my breathing, and without the knee press, it was crippling my body.  I cried out in pain through the second half of it.  I screamed out my "code word" to Arthur and said that I couldn't do it anymore.  I told him I was ready for the epidural because I was so tired, and wasn't progressing.

I then had the most emotional cry of my life, mostly out of exhaustion, and some out of real sadness that I had "failed" my goal of having a natural childbirth with no pain medication.  I apologized to Arthur as I sobbed through my next few surges.  He said it was ok, and that I had done a great job.  As I rocked my body against the next contraction, I had a peace come over me that helped me feel like the end was close.  That I was going to be able to rest soon, and that alone helped me feel a bit more relaxed.  Before the decision to get the epidural, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to make it.

Arthur notified my nurse and midwife that I was ready for the epidural.  They told me that it was going to be another 30 minutes, as the anesthesiologist was in a C-section with another patient.  I tried very hard to manage through the 30 minutes, but it was so difficult.  Knowing that help was coming made the waiting even more difficult.  At one point, around 7:15AM, I heard them in the hallway talking about which room was going to get the epidural next.  I screamed out "Room 7 is next!"  I was in room 7.  I think it worked, because the girl came in and she started getting me ready for the epidural.

I remember them telling me that I had to sit cross-legged on the bed and lean forward.  I had several contractions during this process, and it was difficult for me to hear what she was saying to me about the epidural.  I was in and out of consciousness at this point.  I remember feeling the pressure of the line going in, and the small poke.  Arthur had to leave the room because he couldn't handle the sight of the needle.  Once it was done, I started to feel my contractions a little differently.  It was almost as if the tide was going out, and I could feel them get less and less intense.  My left side went numb faster than my right side, so they had me lay more on my right side so it would filter over better.

Once I was more comfortable, Arthur lay down and took a nap.  I could tell he was grateful for the break, since he had been working hard with me through the night.  Those knee presses couldn't have been easy for him.  I could tell he was so tired. 

The epidural didn't feel like a huge rush of relief that everyone says they have when they get one.  For me, it was like a physical break.  It reminded me of when I was in Junior High and I had to run the mile.  When I had been able to sit down and rest, I felt better.  The epidural felt like that - rest. 

I tried to nap, but at one point, the nurse came in and told me that Finn's heart rate was dropping because of the side I was on.  She said that sometimes lying on your side can press on the umbilical cord, so she had me lay on my left side.

Once she left, I kept an eye on the monitor like my life (or Finn's life) depended on it.  When his heart rate dropped to 90 again, I looked toward the door, and the nurse returned on cue.  She told me to switch back to the other side.  I did this, and still kept my eye on the monitor.  This prevented me from sleeping because I was so worried about him having trouble. 

He stabilized this time, and his heart rate stayed within the acceptable range.  I relaxed a bit and dozed off here and there, but because the nurse kept coming in to check my vitals, I wasn't able to sleep soundly like I wanted to.

Around 10 AM, my new midwife Katherine came into the room.  She was 38 weeks pregnant too.  She was really nice, and a lot more attentive than my previous midwife, Leann.  Katherine even rubbed my neck, which was hurting from the way I had been sitting through the night.  I appreciated that a lot.

Progression:

She checked my cervix, and I was happy to hear that I had progressed to a 5.  She then said she'd check me again in an hour to see how I'd progressed.  I tried to relax and take little naps here and there. 

She came back in an hour later and checked me again.  I was so surprised to hear that I had progressed 4.5 CM in an hour!  I was now at a 9.5.  I couldn't believe it.  By this time, Arthur was awake and we both started to get excited.  I felt a bit anxious knowing that it wasn't even noon and that I would be able to push soon.  I had assumed my labor would progress late into the night since I was moving so slowly.

I remember thinking back to some of the episodes of Baby Story that I had watched on TLC.  I thought about the women who would be checked at 10 CM, and were told to just try pushing.  I knew that if I waited a good long time, I would be closer to having him come out faster and that I wouldn't have to push forever.  Most people I know who have had an epidural push for at least an hour, if not more because they can't feel their pushes.

The midwife told me to let her know if I felt any pressure or fullness down below signaling that it might be time to push.  I couldn't feel much of anything, so I knew that the only thing I had control over was how long I waited.  I waited an hour and a half to call her in.  She respected how long I waited, and didn't pester me or continue to check on me.  I appreciated that.

When I called them in, it was just past 12:30 PM.  She checked me and didn't say that I was at a 10 or anything. Instead, she said "Wow, his head is right there."  This told me that my waiting had paid off. 

The delivery:

She called a bunch of people into the room to prepare for the delivery.  She also got me a mirror so I could see Baby Finn as he came out.  I got excited as Arthur joined me by my side and we got my legs ready in the epidural pushing position.  If I hadn't had the epidural, I'm sure I would have been on my hands and knees on the floor.  But, since I couldn't feel anything, I had to lie on my back.  It was ok, though... because I felt strangely in control of what was happening.

When the midwife told me to push the first time, I told myself that I was going to be the world's most effective pusher, and that people at the hospital would tell all of their friends how amazing I did pushing with an epidural. During the first contraction, I pushed hard and breathed as soon as possible after it so my muscles could get oxygen.  I could see the top of his head peeking through.  The second one, I did the same, and kept my eyes right on where his head was coming out.  I could see it even more.  It really motivated me to push harder the next time.  My last two contractions I pushed and focused, and I saw his head crown. 

My midwife told me to reach down and touch my baby's head on the last push.  I pushed and brought my hand down, and that movement alone delivered Baby Finn at 12:55 PM.  He was suddenly in my arms.  The midwife brought him up to my chest and I cried out in happiness.  He was a dark reddish-purple, and his skin was so, so soft.  I expected him to be covered in vernix, but he had absorbed almost all of it.

I cried and cried and held him and told him how perfect he was.  I rubbed his back and held him to my chest, skin-to-skin.  It was one of the most incredible moments of my life, if not the most incredible moment.  In a heartbeat, he was here, outside of me, and I was overcome with the most intense happy emotions ever. 

 

Arthur let the cord pulse and when it was flat, he was able to cut it.  I could tell he was happy to have this experience.

As he was lying on my chest, he was grunting a bit and not crying really loudly.  The nurse asked me if she could take him to try and clear out his mouth a bit to try and get him to cry better.  She told me the grunting was him trying to use his lungs.   I told her she could, and she also weighed him.  He was 6 lbs 12 ounces, and 18 inches long. 

They ended up taking him down to the nursery because he wasn't breathing the way they would have liked him to, and they wanted to suction out his lungs so he would stop grunting and breathe properly.  I let them do that, and Arthur went with Baby Finn.  I worried the whole time, but eventually they came back so I could try to let him latch and nurse for the first time.  I was so grateful that he was breathing correctly and that he was ok.  He latched and nursed for the first time, it was so special to feel like I was able to provide him with his first nutrition. 

The time after this point was a blur, and I don't remember much up until the point that I was back down in my room where I would stay the rest of the time in the hospital. 

Overall, my thoughts on my birth experience are that I am proud that I was able to get through 12 hours of Pitocin-induced contractions without an epidural.  I take a lot of pride in this, and I feel like I was able to successfully use my hypnobirthing techniques like I had practiced.  I did feel let down initially that I got an epidural, but thinking back now, I feel like the epidural helped me relax and progress like I needed to in order to get him here quickly and safely.  Without that, I'm not sure I would have made it without having a C-section.  I know now why they call an epidural a tool, and that it should be used when it is needed, and for the right reasons.  I felt like my body was ready for it, and I appreciate that it was able to get me through to safely delivering my beautiful baby boy.

 Looking back at my birth preferences, I now smile when I think of how specific I was going into preparing for my birth.  One of my affirmation cards says "I am prepared to meet whatever path my birthing takes" and "I trust my body and I follow its lead." 

Having an open mind about my birth preferences now and thinking about these affirmations in connection with them allows me to see that everything happens for a reason and that even though I didn't get exactly what I wanted in the journey, I was able to receive the reward at the end. 

1.      I wanted to labor at home for as long as possible, and not be induced by Pitocin or Cytotec.  I also did not want Cervidil to soften my cervix.  I wasn't able to do this because my fluids were low, and so for the safety of Baby Finn, I had to let this one go.

2.      I did not want an IV or a hep lock.  A hep lock is a port that they put in your hand to initiate an IV quickly if needed, and it is not connected to an IV line.  Because Pitocin was administered through an IV, this was out the window as well. 

3.      I wanted intermittent monitoring of the fetal heartbeat and my contractions.  I didn't want to have them strapped to me during my stay at the hospital.  Because of how intense the contractions can be, they use the monitoring to make sure the baby's heartbeat is ok through the contractions. 

4.      I did not want my water broken by anyone.  I wanted it to release naturally through the laboring process.  My water did break on its own, and I was relieved to see how little fluid there was when it did break.  It confirmed that my decision to go ahead and be induced was the right thing for Baby Finn.

5.      When baby Finn was born, I wanted to make sure that the cord was able to pulse and go flat and empty before it was clamped and cut.  My request was to wait at least a minute for this to happen.  I was able to have this request honored, and I was able to see the flat cord when Baby Finn was out.  This was my most important preference, and I got it!  :)

I hope this story was enjoyable as it was long.  I appreciated writing it and remembering the details so I can read over it in the future.  I welcome your thoughts, comments and questions!

Just Another Wednesday!

It's been awhile since I just had a normal blog update about my daily routine.  Personally, when I read blogs that other people write, I like the ones that tell me more about their daily lives.  That is the most interesting part of blogs, in my opinion.

Today I woke up very early, at 4:55 AM.  This is fairly normal for me because my body usually gets me up at that time because staying in one position for too long while I'm asleep can be uncomfortable.  I am sleeping with 5 pillows at night to support myself, so once I've exhausted every toss and turn, I usually have to get up. 

My morning routine is pretty specific.  I get up, make a breakfast of lowfat fruit yogurt and bran cereal, eat that while I take my vitamins and check my Facebook.  I get into the shower and get ready at 5:45.  I am then ready to carpool with Arthur by about 6:45 every morning.  This morning was different because I wasn't feeling very well.

I told Arthur I didn't want to carpool today and I went back to sleep until he was getting ready to leave.  When he left, I got up and started to slowly get going.  Some days this just happens, and I have to be patient with myself if I can't keep up with the pace all of the time. 

I got to work a bit later, and all of the Maternity parking spots were taken.  As I was driving past the parking stalls for Maternity to check, there was a man, yes a MAN getting out of his car where he'd just parked in the last available stall.  I may or may not have glared at him and shook my head.  He just kept walking to the building.  I guess I can't judge him, maybe he has a good reason.  All I know is that if you're going to park in Maternity, then you should at least be a female.  :)

I went in to work and stayed busy the whole day until I left around 5.  I got home and checked the mail and I saw that my birthing gown was here!  My birthing gown is something I ordered to wear to the hospital to have my baby in.  There is something about the hospital gown that makes me feel like I'm sick, or a patient.  I don't want to feel that way, so I ordered something that is functional like a hospital gown, but still helps me feel like a woman.  It's brown with a blue tie.  The shoulders are Velcro so breastfeeding is easy.  The front unties so the back can be exposed if needed.  It's long enough that it covers my knees.  I tried it on and I'm so happy I got it!  It's going to be nice to have something comfortable to wear in the hospital that doesn't make me feel like I'm a patient in.  :)

 After I tried on my gown, I needed a nap.  Arthur came home at 7:30 and I was still napping.  He made dinner even though it was my night.  Arthur is a champion!  I appreciated not having to cook.

We watched America's Got Talent and a few other shows while we ate dinner.  My back was hurting so I took a quick bath and now I'm just getting my blogging wrapped up before we go to bed at 11.  That's a pretty normal day for me aside from the fact that I didn't carpool.  A little boring, maybe - but I know that my life will no longer be boring in 36ish days!  :)

Another update tomorrow!  :)
 

Less than 10 weeks left!

Here's the pregnancy update you've all been waiting for.  :)  I still have a few more posts that I'd love to make this week, if time allows.  Sometimes it's difficult to take a few minutes and just think through what I'd like to blog about.  I know all of the topics I'd like to talk for hours about... but getting them down is the difficult part.

I figured I should start with how my pregnancy is going.  :)

The last time I updated was just before I was 28 weeks.  I am now just short of 31 weeks.  Less than 10 weeks to go!  I hear that these last 10 weeks fly by.  I can tell why they will for me, for sure.  I have a bunch of fun things planned from now until my "guess date" of July 11.  Baby showers and short getaways are going to fill my weekends from now until I'm 36ish weeks.

Because of my ovarian cyst on my right ovary, I have had monthly appointments with my OB to make sure it's not growing larger.  At my 28 week appointment, Arthur and I went in looking forward to seeing Baby Finn again.  It was also going to be the appointment where I had my initial glucose test.

We showed up at 8:50 AM (my appointment was at 9:50 AM) just before they opened so I could get my glucose drink.  I went in and they gave it to me.  They told me I needed to come back in exactly an hour so they could draw my blood to test to see if I am at risk for gestational diabetes.  They also told me I had to get it down within 5 minutes.

Most people complain that it makes them feel gross, or sick, or dizzy.  I was anticipating all of these things, so Arthur and I just drove around in my car checking out the city of American Fork and Pleasant Grove.  I chugged it and sat back waiting for the worst.  It was really sweet, and it tasted like cherry Kool-Aid.  To me, it was simply delicious.  I waited and waited and I never felt gross, or sick.  At the very least, I felt like I had a slight headache.

After the hour was up, Arthur and I went back into the doctor's office and they took my blood.  They told me that they would have the results by Monday.  They called me on Monday to let me know that everything was normal, and I'm not diabetic.  :)

We waited in the waiting room for nearly an hour until they were able to get us into the ultrasound room to check out my cyst.  The tech measured it and we were happy to see that it had shrunk a little.  That was a bit of a relief, although it's not gone all together.  After the ultrasound, we went back to the waiting room.  We waited for another hour or so to get back to see our OB.

We went in and I talked through some of the questions I have had on my mind about a few different things.  He was good about answering them and making me feel better.  One of the things I was concerned about was Finn's movement sometimes being jerky or repetitive... kind of like a seizure.  He said that it was just the uterus contracting rapidly, and it was nothing to worry about.  That made me feel better too.  :)

At the end of the appointment, I pulled out my birth plan.  Now, I have a fairly specific birth plan, and I knew that I couldn't go over all of the details - or else I'd overwhelm the OB.  So, I picked out my top 5 most important things that I wouldn't be willing to compromise.  I will probably go over these in my Birth Plan blog entry... that will be later this week.  :)

The short of it is that we ended up realizing that my OB wasn't going to be able to (at the least) honor the 5 most important things of my upcoming birth.  I was a little sad that something as simple as a top 5 list request from his patient was too much for him to agree to.  I'll talk more about this later...

Since that appointment, I've been feeling really good, generally speaking.  Finn is moving all of the time now, and I am really enjoying his kicks.  It's nice that they're not so deliberately planted in my bladder, and that they're more like rolling movements rather than kicking.  I'm pretty sure the rib kicks will come soon, so I just need to enjoy these times.

I have had some backaches start and some mild headaches come back.  I think this is probably normal as I get closer to the end.  I haven't felt any contractions (practice surges) yet, and I am looking forward to those for sure.

That's pretty much it, pregnancy update-wise.  My next few entries will be about my birth plan and my Trying to Conceive story.  I'm excited to write them!  :)

How far along:  30 Weeks, 4 Days
How much time left:  9 Weeks, 3 Days

Top two symptoms:  Backache and headache, most of the day.  My back generally hurts on the way to work and at work in my chair.  My head starts to hurt about halfway through the day.  Annoying, but bearable.  :)

Favorite thing I ate today:  I had a salad for lunch.  It was great!

Mood:  Anxious!  I hate how I feel like I want everything to be planned right now.  My nursery, my baby showers, everything.  I want to chill and let things happen like I normally do... but I think that I'm starting to get some form of weird nesting feelings like I need to get things planned, set up, etc.  I apologize in advance to my family and Arthur for how weird I may be over the next couple of months.  :)

Worried about:  I worry a bit about having time off before the birth so I can be in a safe place for my labor.  I can't even imagine going into practice labor or even real labor while I'm at work.  I also know I can't put my life on hold while I'm waiting for Finn to decide that it's time to get here.  Patience!

Excited for:  Now that the nursery is almost done, I'm super super SUPER excited to finish the details.  The painting is all done, and tomorrow is the carpet cleaning appointment.  My older brother Leo is coming over on Wednesday night to have dinner with us and help Arthur move the dresser upstairs.  I just want to get Finn's room ready to go!!!!!  I'm definitely nesting, or something.  :)

60th Post!

As promised last weekend, here is the update blog!  :)  Better late than never, I say! This is my 60th post!  How great is that?!  I'll try to make it amazing for you...

Things are going well, I'm feeling really good and I'm getting very excited about how close I am to Finn's arrival.  The time really does start to fly by after hitting the 20 week mark.  I think having that ultrasound when you're halfway really makes worrying about milestones a thing of the past. 

Pregnancy (and Trying to Conceive) is really just a very complicated and annoying waiting game.  Every month that Arthur and I were trying, I was constantly frustrated with how many things I had to wait for.  Waiting for my period to come, waiting for my ovulation date, waiting for my period to come again... so many things!  Then, when I was finally pregnant, I had more things to wait for.  Waiting for the day we would tell our family, waiting for our first doctor's appointment and hearing the heartbeat.  Waiting to find out the sex of the baby, and then waiting to confirm it at the first official ultrasound.  Waiting to hear if my baby was generally healthy enough at the 20 week ultrasound, and then waiting for the final countdown to labor and delivery.

Overall, I will say that the hardest part of pregnancy is definitely the first half.  Now that I'm almost halfway through the second half, I will say that the second half is so much better. 

I think my next entry will probably be more information about my Trying to Conceive story and the things I did to help myself be physically ready to get pregnant.  It's not so easy, the way that some people think.  Even though I had an easier time than most, I still have a story to tell.  Whether or not it can help someone is the question.  I will write it regardless, because I feel like having it documented will really help me if I ever want to share it with someone who is also struggling with the same things I did.  That will definitely be the next entry.

I also will need to do an entry about my birth plan and the classes Arthur and I have been taking.  I remember when I posted a previous entry here about me not knowing what path I was going to take with my pregnancy.  I am such a different person now, after going through these classes.  I would like to (selectively) share some of the information I've learned in hopes that I can help someone else the way that it has helped me.  All I will say for now is that my perspective and perception of the way I want my birth to go is totally different than what I ever expected.  I'm looking forward to sharing some of the neat things I've learned.

Pregnancy-wise, things are moving forward well.  I've had monthly doctor's appointments since my 20 week ultrasound.  I haven't told many people, but I figured it's ok to blog about it now that I'm not as concerned with it.  In my 20 week ultrasound, the tech found a cyst sitting behind my cervix.  The tech wasn't sure if it is on my ovary or not, but because she couldn't find my right ovary, she assumed that it is there.  It's a simple cyst, which means that it's a harmless fluid-filled cyst that can sometimes come with pregnancy.  It's supposed to shrink and be gone by the time you get to 20 weeks.  It hadn't shrunk enough to assure the tech that it wasn't a concern, because it was 8 centimeters, or the size of a baseball.  When I heard her say that, it scared me a bit.  But when we talked to the doctor, he reassured me it was ok, and normal. 

We got to go back at 24 weeks and will go back again this Friday for 28 weeks to check it again.  I say it's a blessing that I've had this simple cyst because I've been able to have more ultrasounds than normal, and getting to see Finn more is always a good thing.

Here are some pictures of Finn at our 24 week ultrasound.  You'll see a picture of his profile, his arm and his face.  I love the one of his face! 

I'll keep everyone updated after this appointment on whether or not the cyst has grown or shrunk.  At my last appointment, it was approximately the same size.  I'm not worried about it at all, because it causes me no pain or discomfort.  :)

Finn-wise, Arthur got me a present for Valentine's Day to get a 4D ultrasound in my 28th week.  He and I are going to go sometime this week so we can see Finn's face.  I'm really excited for that.  In addition to the doctor's ultrasound, I'm pretty sure that it's going to be an amazing week. 

I'm feeling movement all of the time now.  From the second I wake up to the second I'm falling asleep, Finn is moving around, kicking and getting the hiccups.  At first, the kicks were really deliberate, and usually right in my bladder.  Don't get me wrong, they have never been annoying... now that they're less rough, I'm appreciating them a lot more.  I can usually feel him turning or rolling from the top of my stomach to the bottom.  It's pretty cool.

Size-wise, I get a lot of comments from people that I'm not as big as they would expect.  Seeing that I'll be 7 months this coming Thursday, most people can't believe that I'm not "popping" yet.  I think it's because it's my first pregnancy, I'm a bit taller, and my sister says that it's because we carry boys higher.  Regardless, I refuse to worry about how big he is because every ultrasound has proven that he is growing fine and that he looks healthy.  My favorite comment yet from the ultrasound tech is that he is one of the most symmetrical babies she's ever seen.  Wow!  What a compliment!  :)

Arthur and I have registered at a couple of different places for our baby shower, at Target and Babies R Us.  We have a lot of clothes already and we also have everything we need for the nursery including his crib, his dresser, and my rocker.  We want to paint the walls and get some cute decals to decorate with.  We are waiting for Mike to move out of his room so we can start getting it ready.  Mike moves out the first week in May so it will give us a couple of months to get everything ready.  I can't wait!  (I will be sad that Mike's leaving, though...)  :(

Work is going really well for me, for the most part.  Feeling better has helped me feel more productive at work.  I have applied for another position, and I'm waiting to hear back about getting a second interview.  I do have good days and bad days, like everyone does, but the fact that we got a new building has been a fun mix up of every day.  Having to drive back and forth between the new building and the old building has been tough, but I know that it's not for much longer.  This will be the 3rd (and final) week that I will have to commute back and forth.  Once I can settle in, I think I'll feel a lot more normal.

Every day, I look forward to when I am going to get my time off for Finn's birth.  I have my sabbatical that my company gives me, that I've saved up after working for 5 years.  I didn't take it in the year I was eligible for it because I wanted to tack it onto the end of my maternity leave.  This should give me 16 weeks off, which equals out to be 4 months.  This makes me very happy.  I am sure I won't want to return to work, but giving myself 4 months to connect with Finn will be good.  I would love to be a stay at home mom, but I understand that I have a balance in life that I've chosen.  I believe that Arthur is the amazing person he is so I can feel ok with being a working mom.  Arthur does so much around the house and works hard at his full time job, so I can't feel like staying home is really the right thing to do for now.  Maybe someday, but not today.  :)

How far along:  27 Weeks, 3 Days
How much time left:  12 Weeks, 4 Days

Top two symptoms:  I had a bit of a foggy headache today, and I get that sometimes.  Other than that I guess I can say movement from Finn is a symptom, right?  :)

Favorite thing I ate today:  I craved chocolate today for the first time in awhile, which was kind of weird.  I did make myself some delicious mushroom risotto, which took me almost an hour to make.  I got the mix at Trader Joe's, it was absolutely delicious. 

Mood:  My mood most days is really good lately.  Occasionally I have a bad day, but today was a good day.  I was really productive and got a lot done.  Including this blog... :)

Worried about:  Since I started taking my birthing classes, I haven't worried too much about getting ready for Finn's arrival.  I'm actually really excited about the process! 

Excited for:  I'm excited for my baby showers coming up.  My team is throwing me one on May 2nd, and then I have one planned with my family in mid-May and then another one at the end of May in Boise with my mom's side.  Baby showers!  Yay!