Turn a Negative into a Positive!

Today marked a very important milestone in my journey towards a natural Hypnobirth.  In previous posts, you may remember me mentioning that I was tested for Group B Strep last week.  Group B Strep is a bacteria that can exist on your skin that is normally present and harmless.  If this bacteria is present in your birth, it can be passed onto your baby as he is being born and it can cause infection.  For women who are tested positive for Group B Strep, they are required to get an IV after their water breaks.  The IV contains antibiotics so it can protect the baby from the bacteria.
This is significant to me because I have always seen my labor going in two different directions, based on whether or not I turn out to be Group B Strep positive.  If I am positive, then that means that as soon as my water breaks, I have to go to the hospital and start my antibiotic IV - regardless of whether or not I am in labor.  If I haven't had any contractions, it could mean that I spend a lot of time laboring without the resources I was looking for, which is an untethered experience where I can take a bath or walk around and move freely.  If I am negative, then if my water breaks, I can stay at home for up to 24 hours with the hopes that I am able to progress in my dilatation so I can spend the least amount of time possible in the hospital before I am at a 10.  I worked really hard in imagining the possibilities of the two paths to be positive in either sense... although I worried a lot about how I was going to manage through with an IV knowing how much I wanted to be able to move freely as I labored.  I also didn't want to rush into the hospital.  To be completely honest, I was really stressed about it.  

I was tested for the bacteria on Friday last week by my Midwife, and she told me that my results would be available a week later, or today.  I went into my appointment today with Arthur knowing that I would find out as soon as we went back.  They called my name and Arthur and I went back to get my vitals.  They weighed me, and I had gained 3 lbs in 1 week.  Yikes!  Finn is growing and so am I.  This is ok because I know that I can't beat myself up for something that I have little control over.  She then took my blood pressure, and told me it was on the lower end, which is good.  She then asked me if I wanted to know my Group B Strep results.  I nearly screamed YES!

She fumbled for a second trying to find them and mumbled a bit about how they have had trouble over the past few days getting the results quickly from the lab.  She then said that she had found them.  She says "It looks like you are negative!  Congratulations!"  I started to cry.  I was so happy.  I saw my entire natural birth flash before my eyes and I was overjoyed.  It was as if I had won the lottery.  Arthur laughed at me a bit because of how emotional I got, but I can blame the hormones.  :)

The rest of the day I have been on cloud 9.  All of the stress I was feeling about my water breaking, and about being able to labor in a tub, and having to have an IV was gone.

This experience has reinforced my desire to be successful in my goal for a natural Hypnobirth.  Instead of feeling anxious and nervous about Finn getting ready to be here, I am just now more excited.  It's almost like a surprise, like waiting for something I'm wanting to come in the mail, or that feeling you get when you're meeting a blind date for the first time.  Is that a crazy comparison?  I don't know if I care, I'm just happy that today was such a great day!  :)

2 for 1

I forgot to blog yesterday, so today is a 2 for 1.  :)  Well, I didn't forget, I just didn't have time.  Yesterday was one of the most busy days I've had in a long time.  I had to be to work at 8:00, and then I had back-to-back meetings all day, until 6:00 PM.  I left work right at 6:00 PM and headed downtown.

I had plans with my friend to go see a documentary at the SLC Downtown Library at a free screening.  The movie is called Birth Story: Ina May Gaskin & The Farm Midwives.  It's about a woman who was a leader for Midwifery in the US during the hippy era.  She had a community on a farm in Tennessee and had a group of other Midwives who helped with the births in the town.

It was really interesting to see this completely different method of birthing, outside of the normal hospital environment.  It really intrigued me.

After the movie, there was a panel discussion and the audience could ask questions.  I asked a question.  I asked the 4 ladies at the front what I could do to learn more about getting involved with a Midwife before I got too involved with an OB.  They said I could go and meet the Midwives at the hospital of my choice (since some hospitals offer a Midwife service) and I could tour the facility to feel more comfortable with the option.  It sounds wonderful to be able to enjoy the experience and not be numb and disconnected.  I want to be involved and aware of everything that happens during the process.  And aside from Natural Birth in a hospital, this seems like the best option that gives me the most control.

After the discussion (around 9:00 PM), I left the library and went up to Bountiful to visit my mom.  She was at Lakeview Hospital after having a small procedure earlier in the day.  I came in, and it was so scary to see her in the hospital bed.  She was as white as a ghost, and she looked so frail.  She was asleep and so I sat in the chair by my dad and waited for a little bit.  My mom woke up for a second and asked my dad to help her throw up.  She had nausea from the pain medication.  I felt so bad for her.  :(

I talked to the nurses and asked them if they could give her something for her nausea and also some less strong pain medication.  She came in and gave my mom something less strong and said she couldn't give her any more anti nausea because she'd already had quite a bit.

I gave my mom some water and some peppermint and she seemed to relax a bit, so I felt like I could leave.  It was about 10:20 by this point.  I got in the car and drove home.  By the time I got there, it was close to 11:30.  I was so tired.

I'm going to head up there today and see her after work.  I hope she's feeling a little bit better.  Maybe I'll take her some flowers.

How far along:  5 Weeks TODAY!
How much time left:  35 weeks
Top two symptoms:  Exhaustion and hunger

Favorite thing I ate today:  Yesterday I didn't eat hardly anything and today so far, it's this veggie sub.

Mood:  Yesterday I felt busy, and disconnected.  Today I'm feeling a little bit weepy.  I think it's related to my mom being in the hospital.  It is getting to me more than I thought it would.

Worried about: I'm worried about not being able to know about all of my options when I have my baby.  I know I can turn this worry into strength by doing the research I need to do.  I also had a bad dream last night that my baby had some physical problems.  I think it's because of the movie I watched... some of the discussion about babies or mothers that don't make it through the birthing process.  I know that this is just my mind playing tricks on me, of course... but it was still scary.

Excited for:  I'm excited for when my baby is out and I get to hold them for the first time.  I also thought a bit about Christmas again.  I think the stuff will make it feel more real.

Lullaby

I usually blog in the morning when I'm first waking up, but today's routine was off because Arthur didn't have to work.  So, I was running a bit late so I didn't get a chance to sit down and record my thoughts.

Today was very, very busy.  I had a back-to-back day and I was (thankfully) able to get everything done.  I have been struggling with something pretty annoying, though and I needed to blog about it.

I am so worried that I will miscarry.  I know it's probably a slim chance, and that I'm probably over-worrying myself... but I think I spent too much time on message boards before I got pregnant reading over people posting stuff about it.  Things like, "I'm just now TTC after MC, and..." there were so many posts like that.  Every time I go to the bathroom, I worry that my period will come and that it will all be over.  I hate that I am dealing with this, and I wish it wasn't a concern in my brain.

I didn't really have any symptoms today, which was nice.  I appreciated that I was able to get through the day without being too hungry.  I think it's because I ate a big breakfast.

I think I am going to add favorite thing I ate today to the daily list.  

How far along:  4 weeks TODAY!!
How much time left:  36 weeks
Top two symptoms:  Tired and tired

Favorite thing I ate today:  Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sandwich from Subway.  YUM!

Mood:  I was very serious today.  I think it's because my boss was distracted by something in staff meeting and the mood was very "off".  I emailed her and asked her what was wrong and she brushed me off and told me it was nothing.  Oh, well - you can't please them all.  Other than that, I felt accomplished because I got everything done.  I like feeling that way.  :)

Worried about:  Same as yesterday... that my period will come.  Ugh.

Excited for:  Holding my baby in my arms and singing to them.  I have always loved the song "Sov Gott" (Sleep Well) by Jewel.  I've posted the song below with the Swedish lyrics.  It's a Swedish lullaby song about a wolf and a dolphin who fall in love.  The message I get from the song is that two completely different beings can come together and still share something as simple as love.

   

Swedish Lyrics: Sov gott, vackra delfin Sov gott, jag vita varg Vi har kärlek för varandra För varandra För alltid Sov gott, vackra delfin Sov gott, jag vita varg Vi har kärlek för varandra För varandra För alltid Sov gott Sov gott, jag vita varg Morgonen vaknar Då kysser vi Kysser vi, Kysser vi, Sov gott Sov gott, för alltid Sov gott, vackra delfin Sov gott, jag vita varg Vi har kärlek för varandra För varandra, för alltid Sov gott Sov gott, jag vita varg Morgonen vaknar Då kysser vi, Då kysser vi, för alltid Då kysser vi, för alltid Sov gott Sov gott Sov gott

English lyrics: Sleep well, beautiful dolphin Sleep well, white wolf We have love for each other For each other Forever Sleep well, beautiful dolphin Sleep well, white wolf We have love for each other For each other Forever Sleep well, Sleep well, white wolf Morning wakes Then we kiss We kiss, we kiss Sleep well Sleep well, forever Sleep well, beautiful dolphin Sleep well, white wolf We have love for each other For each other, forever Sleep well Sleep well, white wolf Morning wakes Then we kiss Then we kiss, forever Then we kiss, forever Sleep well Sleep well Sleep well