The Days After Christmas

Today is Thursday!  I think I'm averaging about a blog a week now.  I really struggle to get the energy even just to sit here and get out my thoughts about how I'm feeling and what I'm up to.

Christmas was wonderful, and busy.  It all started Christmas Eve.  We went to Arthur's mom's house to get a gift for a secret santa.  Arthur's mom had gathered some presents for someone she works with so they could have a somewhat decent Christmas.  I helped with delivering it.  They didn't open the door, but it felt good to be able to help out make someone's Christmas brighter.  :)

After that, Arthur and I went to his Grandma's house.  We had a few snacks and exchanged gifts with his grandparents.  We were there for about an hour.  After that, we went up to my parent's house for the Christmas Eve party.  Everyone was there but Whit, Leo and Jackson.  Jackson and Leo have been sick so they didn't make it up.  :(  I know how it feels to be sick, though.  Ugh!

We hung out for a little while and had dessert with my family.  We packed up and headed back to Arthur's mom's house about 9:00.  We got there and got our pajamas and slippers.  Arthur's mom always gets everyone a new pair of pajamas to wear.  It's a fun tradition, and I think I'd like to continue it with my own kids someday.

I was really tired and didn't feel very well, so I went to bed pretty early while Arthur wrapped a few more things for his mom.  In the night, I was coughing so much I couldn't really sleep.  I woke up probably 10+ times coughing.  I finally gave up around 4 and just lay there hoping that time would fly by until it was time to wake up and do Christmas.  I took some cough drops and got up a few times to blow my nose.  That helped pass the time.  :)

Around 8:00, the kids (Arthur's nieces and nephew) all got up and woke everyone up.  We went out and opened presents.  I was pretty much a zombie, but I still had fun opening presents.

I took a nap after presents and was able to wake up a little to go to my family's house.  We left around 12:30 and go to my mom's around 1:00 PM.  We were the first ones there.  Adrienne and then Leo arrived.  Mike was already there.  We did gifts by family and it was fun to see everyone open up their presents.

We hung out for a little while, and left around 4:30 to get to his mom's house for Christmas dinner.  She made turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and all of that delicious stuff.

We exchanged gifts with Aunt Joan and it was fun to see her reaction at getting a cell phone.  :)

After that, Arthur and I came home and did our gift exchange.  It was an exhausting but fun day.

I got a lot of really great stuff, and even some baby stuff.  I try and post a picture of all of it together since there is more than I can handle with individual pictures.  :)

I did get a really great gliding rocking chair that I can use someday in my nursery.  That will be great!

The past two days, I've been working on recovering completely from my cold and also remembering what it feels like to be pregnant.  My nausea has returned full swing.  My exhaustion is also back with an amazing backache.  I have 2 muscles in my back that feel like they're attached to a giant fish hook and someone is always pulling on them as I move.  The only thing that feels good is to sit on a heating pad or to lie down flat on my back.  I don't really have a lot of energy to do anything.  Eating is about all I can do, and so any energy I have, I spend it finding or making food.

Today I worked from home.  My nausea was over the top.  I threw up twice, which for me is not normal.  I hoped that my nausea would magically disappear beginning week 12, but it hasn't yet.  :(  My cold is slowly clearing up.  I'm still coughing a bit and my congestion comes and goes.  I need to be better by the weekend so I can be somewhat productive with chores and stuff.

How far along:  12 Weeks TODAY!!
How much time left:  28 Weeks 

Top two symptoms:  Nausea bad enough for barfing and backache bad enough for sitting around all day.  Again. 

Favorite thing I ate today:  I made cream of mushroom soup and rice.  It's a comfort food from my childhood.  It's the only thing that sounded halfway decent that wasn't really hard to make. 

Mood:  My mood is depressed.  I feel very much like a waste of space.  I think that others may believe that I have a choice about how positively I'm thinking, and how much I do in a day, but unfortunately, my body makes almost every choice for me these days.  For example, this morning I tried eating peaches and mandarin oranges.  I did fine with the mandarin oranges, but when I started eating the peaches, I threw them right back up.  It was awful.  I got it in my hair and the throwing up caused another muscle in my back to pop out.  I just want to feel like a normal person again.  

Worried about:  My wonderful husband getting tired of doing EVERYTHING for me.  He did pretty much everything for me before I was pregnant, but that was because he is just a generous, hardworking guy.  Now, I feel like I can't even choose to get up and do what I want.  I want to bake a cake.  I can't even stand the thought of paying attention to something for that long.  So I can't bake a cake.  My husband is so patient.  I hope he doesn't get annoyed and decide I'm not worth it anymore.  :(

Excited for:  My next doctor's appointment, which is a week from  next Friday.  Ultrasound.  Ultrasound.  Ultrasound.  Light at the end of this dark and dreary tunnel.

Now, don't assume that I hate everything about pregnancy and I'm angry with the world for putting me in this situation.  I am still extremely happy that I am pregnant and I still wouldn't change my situation for anything else in the world.  I know there are those out there that would die to be pregnant.  I remember that all day long.  I struggle to feel positive, though... and even if my mind says 'I'm going to be happy!', my body responds with barfing, or a sharp stab to my back, or a headache that feels like I've been smacked with a mallet.  I knew it would be hard.  I know it will be worth it.  I'm just hoping to get out of this swamp soon so I can start to see the positive somewhere in all of this. 

Relaxaturday

Today has been a very, very lazy day.  I haven't accomplished anything but playing games and watching TV.  It's been nice to have a day to do nothing.  :)

I woke up this morning for the first time at 4:30 after going to bed around 1:00 AM.  That was for my first pee of the day.  I was able to go back to sleep in my own bed until about 7 for my second pee.  Then I couldn't sleep in my bed any longer and had to eat something.  I made some toast and some yogurt.  I ate them and took my vitamins.  I was still so exhausted, so I went downstairs and went back to sleep on the couch.  I slept until about 9:30.  Then I woke up and peed and went back to sleep until almost 1.  I finally felt like I'd had enough sleep.

That's a rough part of this time in the pregnancy.  I can't just sleep through the night and get a solid 8 or 10 hours.  It comes in bouts with interruptions of needing to empty my bladder.  :\

Arthur and I had some lunch together and we watched Survivor and a few other shows.  I decided I needed to take a bath, because my body was hurting everywhere.  So I did that, and then sent a few Facebook messages to extended family letting them know I was pregnant.

I know that because our immediate families know, the news was going to spread like wildfire.  So, trying to catch those that should know directly from me, I sent them messages letting them know.

It felt good getting a few replies already, and I think they appreciated being told personally.

Tonight, I'm not feeling so hot, so Arthur and I are going to skip Ka'Lea's baptism.  I feel bad, but I also know that pushing myself to get up and out won't make me very happy.  I appreciate that Arthur is ok with staying in tonight.  :)

We're having leftovers from Thanksgiving tonight, which I'm way excited about.  Then we're going to go get a mint chocolate chip shake, my craving of the day.  I actually started craving it last night, but it's not gone away and so I need to eat it soon. 

How far along:  7 weeks, 2 days
How much time left:  32 weeks, 5 days
Top two symptoms:  Headache and body aches.  Today I also felt very out of it.  Blahhhh.

Favorite thing I ate today:  White toast on Grandma Sycamore's bread with strawberry jam.  So good.

Mood:  Because I felt gross, I've been pretty disconnected and frustrated today.  I hope I feel better tomorrow because I have to do my chores and stuff.  Gross. Gross. Gross.  

Worried about:  I still worry about keeping my pregnancy healthy so I don't miscarry.  I know that every day I progress, that I'm getting closer to when I'm in the "safer zone".  The second trimester means that my chances of miscarrying are lowered significantly.  I'm looking forward to that time, for sure. 

Excited for:  Something totally random!  I told my cousin Andrea, who is married to my cousin Justan that I'm pregnant.  She offered to knit me a newborn hat!  I was so happy to hear she wanted to do that!  I will have to think of a cute idea to have her knit.  I think I'll wait to find out the gender first.  :)

UnFunMonday

Happy Monday!  Today was really long.  I had a fairly relaxing weekend, and to have to get up and go back to work... it was tough.  I got to work around 8:00 and had a few meetings in the morning.  Around 9:30 or so, my head pressure issue was getting worse already for the day.  I chatted with my friend who suggested I just call my OB/GYN to see if I should be worried. 

When I called, the nurse said that it wasn't normal, and that I should be checked for high blood pressure.  She asked if I could come in today.  I told her I could take a long lunch, and that I could be there by 11.  She was able to get me in, no problem. 

I left work around 10:15 to get there by 11.  When I checked in, they told me to pee in a cup.  I guess they wanted to see if I really was pregnant.  After I did that, the nurse came in and said that I was pregnant.  It made me laugh, because obviously I know.  :)

She took my weight, I've gained about 10 pounds since I found out I was pregnant.  I think the weight gain is normal.  She said I shouldn't worry too much about it in the first trimester.

She also took my blood pressure and told me I was on the lower range of normal.  It felt good to hear that, knowing that my efforts to eat better had paid off since the last time I went in. 

She took me to another room and I waited for the Dr.  He came in and told me congratulations as well.  He asked me how my symptoms were and thanks to this blog, I was able to tell him exactly when I started to have the head pressure and nausea.  He said that since it wasn't my blood pressure, then it was probably the hormones.  He prescribed me with Fioricet, which is a mixture of caffeine, Tylenol and Butalbital, which is a barbiturate.  I have not been eating any chocolate, or having any caffeine of any kind, so it kind of scared me that he wanted me to take it.  I asked him if it's safe and he said yes.  He said that many pregnant women get headaches, and they take this medication and are just fine.  I am still weary and will only take it if it gets absolutely unbearable.  

After my appointment, I kept working through my daily stuff, and my boss came back from a Dr. Appointment as well.  She sat us all down and told us that she is also pregnant, 12 weeks along.  I'll be 7 weeks on Thursday.  It was interesting to see that she had kept it a secret all along, even when I told her that I was pregnant.  She feels it's bad luck to tell people that you're pregnant until you have a heartbeat.  I felt sort of dumb, mostly because I had been so quick to tell her.  But, I had to realize that everyone is different, and I needed to respect that.  Ultimately, I'm glad to have someone else to go through this with.

Because my Dr. told me at my appointment that it was ok to eat chocolate in limited amounts, I had a few Hershey's peppermint bark kisses.  It really helped!  I also had a bit of chocolate on my pumpkin pie tonight and I don't have any head pressure or pain tonight.  It's a miracle!!  Who would have thunk a little caffeine would help!??

How far along:  6 Weeks, 4 days
How much time left:  33 weeks, 3 days
Top two symptoms:  Exhaustion and Nausea.  Thank goodness the head stuff went away.   :)

Favorite thing I ate today:  Pumpkin Pie!  My little brother and his girlfriend made some for their Friendsgiving yesterday, and so I got to eat the leftovers.  So good!

Mood:  Until I got off of work, my mood was cranky.  Even with the good news of the low blood pressure.  Once I got off of work, I felt like I could disconnect and enjoy time at home. 

Worried about:  How I will handle my new ability to have chocolate.  I will have to be really careful and stay away from it if possible.  I will eat some to keep my headaches at bay, however.  ;)

Excited for:  I am excited for our ultrasound on December 14.  I'm looking forward to hearing our baby's heartbeat and knowing that everything is going well.  For now, I have to rely on my symptoms and the fact that my period still hasn't started.  Phew!!

I think I might be...

PREGNANT!  My goodness, I never thought I would really have too many symptoms... but I think on week 6, someone slipped me a pregnancy symptom pill.  I am definitely pregnant now.

I didn't get to blog yesterday because we had an activity in the evening with Brielle and Mike after work.  Arthur and I bought tickets to Disney on Ice back in August, and we wanted to take Brielle to it since she loves Princesses these days.  She was so good, and so happy the whole time.  We went to the Cheesecake Factory at City Creek.  Brielle ordered Mac and Cheese, and she loved it.  She was saying "yum, yum, yum!" over and over again.  It was so cute.

Today was a really rough day.  I really struggled to get through it.  It started out rough, even.  I had a terrible dream that I miscarried... and I was so sad when I woke up.  I know that it wasn't real, though... and that brought me peace and comfort to know that I was actually still pregnant.  Even though I wanted this for so long, and tried and wished and hoped... I didn't really think through the other stuff that comes with it.  I know that when I wasn't pregnant, I told myself that I would embrace any symptom or event that came with it.  I obviously underestimated my ability to stay sane about it.  :)  I just have to keep focusing on the positive and it will all turn out ok.

Today was also rough for other reasons... I had some insecurity issues, some worries about not being liked, and some worries about whether or not I was a good enough friend.  I always think that certain childhood feelings of being left out, or being taken for granted would go away as an adult, and they don't.  I just have to remember that I am not in control of everything, and I have to focus on what I am able to be a part of.

My biggest struggle today aside from not feeling good enough, was feeling physically gross.  I was exhausted, had a headache, and was dealing with a mental block that was almost too big to see past.  I realized that I needed to take a break and so on my lunch I went out and took a nap in my car.  It helped a lot.  I was able to finish up my day OK.

How far along:  6 Weeks TODAY!!
How much time left:  34 Weeks
Top two symptoms:  Today I will pick three because I had 3.  Mental block, exhaustion and nausea in that order.  I tried to snack on saltines and beef jerky throughout the day and that really helped my nausea.  The mental block thing has got to go, though.  I also fought to keep my eyes open most of the day. 

Favorite thing I ate today:  A doughnut from 711 and a slurpee.  I needed a sugar boost after my nap because otherwise, I wasn't going to make it through the day.

Mood:  Today I was G-R-U-M-P-Y.  With all capital letters.  It was awful.  I really tried to stay positive, but being so grumpy didn't allow me to focus on much of anything aside from the stuff that was making me mad.  I will make a conscious effort to be happy tomorrow, and not grumpy.  :)

Worried about:   Thanksgiving at my house.  It's going to be a lot of stress, and I hope that I make it through the day.  Arthur and his mom will probably cook the most part of the meal and I might be able to help with a few things... also, I'll probably spend the day cleaning.  I'm *so glad* I have Thanksgiving and the day after off. 

Excited for:  This trimester to pass.  I am really looking forward to December 14, which is when I will get to hear my baby's heartbeat the first time.  And right now, I'm excited for sleep.  ;)

2 days late and a meal short

I haven't blogged in 3 days.  I feel terrible.  Sunday and Monday were such busy days for me, I didn't have a chance to sit down and blog. 

I think I'll give the Campbells Soup version of my past two days so I can get caught up.  

On Sunday, I spent the day doing chores and preparing for an interview I had on Monday.  The job is for an Instructional Designer on the training team.

On Monday, I had the interview.  It went ok.  Afterwards, I didn't feel super excited about how it went, or super bad.  I feel like it went the way it should have gone, and that gave me peace.  If I make it through to the next round, I will have an interview next week. 

After work, Arthur and I went to Shane Co. to get my ring.  We dropped it off on Saturday to have it cleaned.  It was so sparkly!  I've never had it cleaned before, and I've had it for 4 1/2 years. 

Today has been good, not too busy.  I've appreciated the extra time to get some stuff done.  I only had a few meetings and a couple of interviews for people who were applying for our team. 

How far along:  5 Weeks, 5 days
How much time left:  34 Weeks, 2 days
Top two symptoms:  Nausea and Exhaustion.  Today my nausea has been over the top.  I have been getting hungry every 10 minutes or so after I eat.  And it isn't like how I normally feel, where I'm just munchy... it's like a pit in my stomach that makes me want to eat as many things as I can get my hands on.  I thought for sure that cravings and hunger were a myth, but they're not.  I kept telling myself that I was grateful to have these pregnancy symptoms because it means that everything is still ok down there.  :)  Exhaustion has been ridiculous today...  I had to take a nap at lunchtime in my car to feel normal the rest of the day.  :(

Favorite thing I ate today:  Apple slices that my friend Ashley gave me.  They saved the nauseous day!

Mood:  Today my mood was slightly annoyed and frustrated with how I was feeling.  I almost feel like my head is nailed to a piece of wood and I can feel this constant, dull pressure.  That led how I felt the whole day.  I tried to be really positive though, because I know that this is what I've been wanting for so long. 

Worried about:   I'm telling my family in a week that I'm pregnant.  Although I'm excited, I realized that it's coming very fast.  I need to prepare for it.  I also worry about the way I'm feeling physically.  I know that it's normal, but I wish that I had some reassurance from a doctor that I'm ok.  *sigh*

Excited for:  I'm also excited to tell my family.  I am looking forward to the happy tears and the questions about when, and how far along.  Not a lot of people know right now, and the more people that know, the better.  I like to talk about it, and it's helpful to get the additional hope from others.  I want to talk to others who have been through this first part who can reassure me that it's normal.  I'm not really talking about my symptoms with anyone who has felt this way, so I hope I'm normal.  But, I do appreciate more than anything the support that I have had so far.  Without the few that I have shared this with, I wouldn't have been able to get through it with such positivity.  :)

Caturday Saturday

Today was a really lazy Saturday.  We were both home all day and didn't get much accomplished.  We did do some wrapping and that was really fun.

We were supposed to go to my nephew's first birthday party today and we couldn't because everyone was sick at my sister's house.  I was a little sad because Arthur and I had made him his first birthday cake.  Since we couldn't go up, Mike is going to eat it tonight and we're going to put a candle on it and take his picture.  That will be fun.

Here is a picture of the cake:

While Arthur and I were wrapping today, we played with a ribbon with KitKat.  It was really cute.  She is such a good cat.  She never gets mean, and she just licks your fingers if you pet her.  :)

Later this afternoon, I was sitting on my couch in my office, and Arthur came in to join me.  He asked me if he could sit by me, so I cleared a spot for him.  He asked why I hadn't opened up my Eric Carle books, and I told him I was saving them for when our baby is here.  He said he wanted me to read the Hermit Crab one, so I did.  Out loud.  He said he loved it when he was little, so I did it.  You could tell he enjoyed hearing me read a kid's book.  It was a fun moment, and it made me look forward to having those moments with a baby with us too.

Tonight, Arthur is making Pineapple Curry and Pad Thai.  It's my favorite meal.  So good!

Tomorrow is chore day and also I need to prepare for an interview I have on Monday.  I'm not sure if I really want the job because of the added stress and the additional time I'll have to take off to have my baby.  I'm still debating whether or not I'll bring it up in the interview.

If I do get the job, it would be a great opportunity, and a raise.  Who doesn't like a raise?!

How far along:  5 Weeks, 2 days
How much time left:  34 Weeks, 5 days
Top two symptoms:  Exhaustion x 2

Favorite thing I ate today:  I haven't eaten it today, but when I do, it will be Pad Thai.  *DROOL*

Mood:  My mood was good today, but mostly because I was so tired, I struggled to feel super happy.  I think I've felt closer to Arthur today than I've felt in awhile.  I think it's because I had that bad dream last night and I never want to feel that angry at him. 

Worried about:   I hope my exhaustion isn't related to something that is wrong with my baby.  I am sure it's normal, since I read everywhere that exhaustion is just a part of the first trimester.  I'm also a little worried about my job interview and how it could affect my world if I get the job.

Excited for:  As I was decorating the cake for baby Adam last night, I kept thinking about what I would do for my baby's first birthday.  I'll probably do it inside/outside since it's going to be in July.  We might even do a combined party for the July birthdays... but I would prefer to have our own party so my baby can eat a whole cake by themselves.  :)