Birthday and Mother's Day

I wanted to blog about my first Mother's Day and my 30th birthday, because they are both very important events!  I wrote the previous entry early on Mother's Day morning.  When I logged into Facebook that morning, there were so many posts on my feed about Mothers.  I saw so many nice posts from people about their moms, and so I got really teary-eyed.  It was probably the hormones combined with the fact that it was my first Mother's Day, but it was impossible not to cry.  As I wrote my previous entry (you can read it by clicking here), I cried all the way through - happy tears of course.

I set a goal when I finally decided to have kids that I would try to be pregnant before I was 30.  I am grateful that I pushed myself to accomplish that goal, because it wasn't easy.  I still want to write my Trying to Conceive blog entry so I can share some of the things I did to prepare myself to start trying to have kids.  Some believe it is really easy, and for some it is.  For some it is not, and so I feel like sharing my story will help some.

After I wrote my blog entry on Mother's Day morning, Arthur and I spent some time together watching the Mother's Day specials on TV that we'd recorded.  We watched Ellen's baby shower special and everyone in the audience was pregnant.  It was so funny.  While I watched TV, Arthur made me breakfast.  He made me a delicious omelet.  I ate almost the whole thing.  It was nice to eat breakfast in bed.  :)

Arthur then brought me my Mother's Day gifts.  He got me some cute baby outfits and a first Mother's Day snow globe.  The snow globe made me cry, because it was so sweet and thoughtful.  It is all silver and it has 3 ivory colored seahorses in it, swirled around by silver fish.  It was personalized with an engraving on the front. 

It says:
1st Mother's Day
May 12, 2013
Love, Arthur

Here are some pictures of it:

I really appreciated having something that would remind me forever that I got to spend my first Mother's Day pregnant, and before my 30th birthday.  :)

I also got Mother's Day flowers earlier in the week, and they are beautiful:

For my 30th birthday, it was the next day on May 13.  I took the day off so I could spend it with Arthur and do something fun.  I slept in a bit and relaxed in the morning.  Before we got up and got ready, Arthur brought me my birthday presents in bed.  I got some really nice ear buds, some baby clothes and a brown Fossil watch.  Arthur told me that I had one more present that was downstairs, but I had to go see it because it was too big to bring upstairs.  I went down to the main living room, and there was a box with a stroller/carseat combo in it!  I was so happy!  I made him put it together right away. 

I pushed it around the living room for a few minutes, and then we went to get ready for the day.  I had plans to go to a restaurant in Salt Lake called Finn's.  They serve breakfast and lunch and the style is Norwegian.  After I was ready, Arthur took my picture by the door with my new stroller because I was so excited about it before we left.

Here's my new stroller and me in my birthday outfit with my new watch on:

We got in the car and started driving towards Salt Lake.  I realized that we didn't have enough time to go to Finn's and go see the Mummy exhibit at The Leonardo museum downtown.  So, we decided to go to Finn's another day and spend more time looking at the Mummies. 

We parked at The Leonardo and went in and paid.  We walked around and saw all of the Mummy exhibit.  It was really cool!  I loved studying about ancient Egypt when I was in elementary school and junior high.  I had always wanted to see mummies like that, and so it was a great activity on my birthday. 

After we went to the Mummy exhibit, Arthur took me up to my pregnancy massage appointment.  He'd gotten me a massage back on Valentine's day and I hadn't traded it in yet.  He dropped me off and I went in.  The massage table was amazing, they had pillows that lifted my body up that allowed me to lie on my stomach - which I haven't done in months.  I used to sleep on my stomach before I was pregnant!

The massage was great, very relaxing.  I appreciated having such a relaxing time on my birthday.  Arthur picked me up an hour later and we went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner.  I ordered the Thai Salmon with jasmine rice.  It was so good!  Afterwards, we shopped around at the mall a bit. 

Overall, it was an amazing birthday and I was really grateful that I had such a fun husband to share it with.  One of the main reasons why I married Arthur is because he always makes holidays so special.  I never have to worry about being forgotten on my birthday.  :) 

First Mother's Day and a Letter to Finn

Happy Mother's Day!

In my Hypnobirthing class, my instructor said something on the first night of class that has really stuck with me.  She was redefining some of the terms that people use in relation to pregnancy, labor and delivery.  The reason for this is so you can do away with words that have previously triggered concern or fear when you hear them, such as contractions and pain.  Instead, she suggested calling them "waves" and "pressure".  It was nice to think of the phases in labor this way, because I am a strong believer in using the mind to train yourself how to feel about something. 

Something else she said that first night has stuck with me and I think about it often.  She told us that when we walk into the hospital to have our baby that we are not patients, we are parents.  She looked at each of us women in the eye and said "You are mothers.   You became mothers the moment you conceived your baby.  No one can take that away from you."  I loved hearing that, because secretly I had been feeling this way since I first started symptom tracking before I took my pregnancy test. 

So, even though I am not traditionally a mother yet, with something tangible to hold and show off, I personally feel like I am a mother now.  Women go through a lot of changes that take away their freedom and personal life that prove this point.  I wanted this so bad, and every time I have to make a choice that is better for my baby, I remind myself that it's not about me anymore.  It's tough, I'm not going to lie.  I'm a pretty selfish person sometimes, and to have to stop and think before a lot of the things I do or eat or the way I move my body in every second of every day... it is definitely life changing.

I remember growing up and watching my mom on Mother's Day.  She would always cry.  I never understood why Mother's Day was such a sad day.  She'd tell us that she just wanted a clean house, or kids that didn't fight for one day.  I was always so confused... wasn't this day supposed to be a happy day?  A day that we all hugged our mom and were all really nice to her and made her cards?  I now understand why my mom sometimes had this reaction on Mother's Day. 

With Motherhood comes not only an intense sense love for the little thing I created, but also ridiculous amounts of pride.  Pride that feels as if I deserve more.  I don't think I have ever had these feelings in my life before - feelings like "I am important - look at what I'm doing!"  Sure, I've had people tell me how important and how wonderful I am my whole life.  I've accomplished some pretty cool things.  But none of those things made me feel this much pride, this strongly.  I can now understand that the tears my mother had every year were not just because she loved us, but because she knew that she deserves the best.  I also understand why my mom had every right to cry on Mother's Day.  She did not have the ability to shut it off and smile through it.  She cried because the ridiculous amounts of self worth did not allow her to tolerate anything less than the best on Mother's Day.

I'm sure my Mother's Day will change over the years, and when Baby Finn is actually here to hold, I will cry different tears.  I don't think it's a bad thing to cry, I think it's a great way to show everyone else how emotionally charged this day is.  Now, if my mom cries today, I will smile at her and let my face say "I get it."

Aside from this, I wanted to write an open letter to my baby, because he is the reason that I am a mom for the first time.

Dear Finn,

Good morning!  I can feel you kicking a little this morning on my right side, so I'm grateful you're not standing straight on my bladder.  Thank you for being such a good son already on Mother's Day.  You are usually really good to me anyway, I am already a really lucky mom. 

I wanted to write you a letter on my first Mother's Day because I'm really excited to be your mom - and today is the first day I have a great excuse to do it! 

Your daddy and I are really excited for you to be here.  He has worked really hard on your room to make it super nice for you.  He painted the walls and cleaned the floors and spent a whole weekend making sure it is nice for you.  I have spent many hours sitting and thinking about you and me hanging out in your cool room.  Your crib looks so comfortable!  It takes a lot for me to not jump in and have a little nap under your sweet fish mobile.  You are going to love your room so much!

I can't wait for when you get here.  I think about when you will be born all of the time.  Even though sometimes I eat things like ice cream and kids cereal, I know that you don't judge me.  I try to eat balanced meals as often as I can so you can be healthy and strong.  Plus, when I have a little bit of extra sugar, you do a funny sugar dance inside, which makes me smile.  I love that!

I really don't know what life will be like when you're finally here, but I'm pretty sure that I will be able to make sure you are comfortable, happy and healthy.  I am confident that you and I will work really well together to make sure things run smoothly.  And when they don't, I will have your daddy here to help reassure me that whatever happens is normal, and that I just need to be patient with myself.  All I know is that we will just want you to be happy, comfortable, dry, fed and entertained.  I'm good at doing all of those things for myself - so I'm pretty sure that you will have a very comfortable life.  :)

One thing is for sure, I can't control everything.  I can, however, control how I feel about any given situation and I have always chosen to feel excited about you getting here.  I think about how you and I will be able to hang out all of the time once you're here, and how nice it will be to be able to focus all of my attention on you.  We are already best friends, though, because you and I have already spent so much time together.  I don't mind it one bit, and I'm excited for us to spend lots of time together when you get here. 

I love you, Finn!  I am so grateful that you decided to pick me and your daddy.  I know that you are a very special boy with a very special purpose.  You are already strong, and smart, and funny because I am constantly impressed by the way you move, and how you react to me when I play with you.  You have a sense of humor because I can always tell that you love when I laugh.  I can't wait to laugh with you!  Thank you for not being a boring baby.  When I decided to be a mom, one of the reasons was because wanted to stop having a boring life.  You have definitely made my life more exciting!  How lucky I am!

I will see you soon, hopefully in about 2 months.  That's not too bad!  That's like if it was November 1 and I couldn't wait for Christmas.  I can totally wait the 2 months to see you.  The good news is that I already get to hang out with you every day.  I get to feel you move, and I get to laugh at your hiccups.  The only thing missing is being able to hold you and see you.  I can't wait!  You are so special!  I love you!

Here is a picture of the beautiful Mother's Day flowers your daddy got me.  They make me very happy and remind me that we are now a family.  We love you so much, and every time I see this picture, I will be reminded that becoming a Mom to you was one of the best things I could have ever done.  :)

Love,
Mom