Happy Mother's Day!
In my Hypnobirthing class, my instructor said something on the first night of class that has really stuck with me. She was redefining some of the terms that people use in relation to pregnancy, labor and delivery. The reason for this is so you can do away with words that have previously triggered concern or fear when you hear them, such as contractions and pain. Instead, she suggested calling them "waves" and "pressure". It was nice to think of the phases in labor this way, because I am a strong believer in using the mind to train yourself how to feel about something.
Something else she said that first night has stuck with me and I think about it often. She told us that when we walk into the hospital to have our baby that we are not patients, we are parents. She looked at each of us women in the eye and said "You are mothers. You became mothers the moment you conceived your baby. No one can take that away from you." I loved hearing that, because secretly I had been feeling this way since I first started symptom tracking before I took my pregnancy test.
So, even though I am not traditionally a mother yet, with something tangible to hold and show off, I personally feel like I am a mother now. Women go through a lot of changes that take away their freedom and personal life that prove this point. I wanted this so bad, and every time I have to make a choice that is better for my baby, I remind myself that it's not about me anymore. It's tough, I'm not going to lie. I'm a pretty selfish person sometimes, and to have to stop and think before a lot of the things I do or eat or the way I move my body in every second of every day... it is definitely life changing.
I remember growing up and watching my mom on Mother's Day. She would always cry. I never understood why Mother's Day was such a sad day. She'd tell us that she just wanted a clean house, or kids that didn't fight for one day. I was always so confused... wasn't this day supposed to be a happy day? A day that we all hugged our mom and were all really nice to her and made her cards? I now understand why my mom sometimes had this reaction on Mother's Day.
With Motherhood comes not only an intense sense love for the little thing I created, but also ridiculous amounts of pride. Pride that feels as if I deserve more. I don't think I have ever had these feelings in my life before - feelings like "I am important - look at what I'm doing!" Sure, I've had people tell me how important and how wonderful I am my whole life. I've accomplished some pretty cool things. But none of those things made me feel this much pride, this strongly. I can now understand that the tears my mother had every year were not just because she loved us, but because she knew that she deserves the best. I also understand why my mom had every right to cry on Mother's Day. She did not have the ability to shut it off and smile through it. She cried because the ridiculous amounts of self worth did not allow her to tolerate anything less than the best on Mother's Day.
I'm sure my Mother's Day will change over the years, and when Baby Finn is actually here to hold, I will cry different tears. I don't think it's a bad thing to cry, I think it's a great way to show everyone else how emotionally charged this day is. Now, if my mom cries today, I will smile at her and let my face say "I get it."
Aside from this, I wanted to write an open letter to my baby, because he is the reason that I am a mom for the first time.
Dear Finn,
Good morning! I can feel you kicking a little this morning on my right side, so I'm grateful you're not standing straight on my bladder. Thank you for being such a good son already on Mother's Day. You are usually really good to me anyway, I am already a really lucky mom.
I wanted to write you a letter on my first Mother's Day because I'm really excited to be your mom - and today is the first day I have a great excuse to do it!
Your daddy and I are really excited for you to be here. He has worked really hard on your room to make it super nice for you. He painted the walls and cleaned the floors and spent a whole weekend making sure it is nice for you. I have spent many hours sitting and thinking about you and me hanging out in your cool room. Your crib looks so comfortable! It takes a lot for me to not jump in and have a little nap under your sweet fish mobile. You are going to love your room so much!
I can't wait for when you get here. I think about when you will be born all of the time. Even though sometimes I eat things like ice cream and kids cereal, I know that you don't judge me. I try to eat balanced meals as often as I can so you can be healthy and strong. Plus, when I have a little bit of extra sugar, you do a funny sugar dance inside, which makes me smile. I love that!
I really don't know what life will be like when you're finally here, but I'm pretty sure that I will be able to make sure you are comfortable, happy and healthy. I am confident that you and I will work really well together to make sure things run smoothly. And when they don't, I will have your daddy here to help reassure me that whatever happens is normal, and that I just need to be patient with myself. All I know is that we will just want you to be happy, comfortable, dry, fed and entertained. I'm good at doing all of those things for myself - so I'm pretty sure that you will have a very comfortable life. :)
One thing is for sure, I can't control everything. I can, however, control how I feel about any given situation and I have always chosen to feel excited about you getting here. I think about how you and I will be able to hang out all of the time once you're here, and how nice it will be to be able to focus all of my attention on you. We are already best friends, though, because you and I have already spent so much time together. I don't mind it one bit, and I'm excited for us to spend lots of time together when you get here.
I love you, Finn! I am so grateful that you decided to pick me and your daddy. I know that you are a very special boy with a very special purpose. You are already strong, and smart, and funny because I am constantly impressed by the way you move, and how you react to me when I play with you. You have a sense of humor because I can always tell that you love when I laugh. I can't wait to laugh with you! Thank you for not being a boring baby. When I decided to be a mom, one of the reasons was because wanted to stop having a boring life. You have definitely made my life more exciting! How lucky I am!
I will see you soon, hopefully in about 2 months. That's not too bad! That's like if it was November 1 and I couldn't wait for Christmas. I can totally wait the 2 months to see you. The good news is that I already get to hang out with you every day. I get to feel you move, and I get to laugh at your hiccups. The only thing missing is being able to hold you and see you. I can't wait! You are so special! I love you!
Here is a picture of the beautiful Mother's Day flowers your daddy got me. They make me very happy and remind me that we are now a family. We love you so much, and every time I see this picture, I will be reminded that becoming a Mom to you was one of the best things I could have ever done. :)
Love,
Mom
In my Hypnobirthing class, my instructor said something on the first night of class that has really stuck with me. She was redefining some of the terms that people use in relation to pregnancy, labor and delivery. The reason for this is so you can do away with words that have previously triggered concern or fear when you hear them, such as contractions and pain. Instead, she suggested calling them "waves" and "pressure". It was nice to think of the phases in labor this way, because I am a strong believer in using the mind to train yourself how to feel about something.
Something else she said that first night has stuck with me and I think about it often. She told us that when we walk into the hospital to have our baby that we are not patients, we are parents. She looked at each of us women in the eye and said "You are mothers. You became mothers the moment you conceived your baby. No one can take that away from you." I loved hearing that, because secretly I had been feeling this way since I first started symptom tracking before I took my pregnancy test.
So, even though I am not traditionally a mother yet, with something tangible to hold and show off, I personally feel like I am a mother now. Women go through a lot of changes that take away their freedom and personal life that prove this point. I wanted this so bad, and every time I have to make a choice that is better for my baby, I remind myself that it's not about me anymore. It's tough, I'm not going to lie. I'm a pretty selfish person sometimes, and to have to stop and think before a lot of the things I do or eat or the way I move my body in every second of every day... it is definitely life changing.
I remember growing up and watching my mom on Mother's Day. She would always cry. I never understood why Mother's Day was such a sad day. She'd tell us that she just wanted a clean house, or kids that didn't fight for one day. I was always so confused... wasn't this day supposed to be a happy day? A day that we all hugged our mom and were all really nice to her and made her cards? I now understand why my mom sometimes had this reaction on Mother's Day.
With Motherhood comes not only an intense sense love for the little thing I created, but also ridiculous amounts of pride. Pride that feels as if I deserve more. I don't think I have ever had these feelings in my life before - feelings like "I am important - look at what I'm doing!" Sure, I've had people tell me how important and how wonderful I am my whole life. I've accomplished some pretty cool things. But none of those things made me feel this much pride, this strongly. I can now understand that the tears my mother had every year were not just because she loved us, but because she knew that she deserves the best. I also understand why my mom had every right to cry on Mother's Day. She did not have the ability to shut it off and smile through it. She cried because the ridiculous amounts of self worth did not allow her to tolerate anything less than the best on Mother's Day.
I'm sure my Mother's Day will change over the years, and when Baby Finn is actually here to hold, I will cry different tears. I don't think it's a bad thing to cry, I think it's a great way to show everyone else how emotionally charged this day is. Now, if my mom cries today, I will smile at her and let my face say "I get it."
Aside from this, I wanted to write an open letter to my baby, because he is the reason that I am a mom for the first time.
Dear Finn,
Good morning! I can feel you kicking a little this morning on my right side, so I'm grateful you're not standing straight on my bladder. Thank you for being such a good son already on Mother's Day. You are usually really good to me anyway, I am already a really lucky mom.
I wanted to write you a letter on my first Mother's Day because I'm really excited to be your mom - and today is the first day I have a great excuse to do it!
Your daddy and I are really excited for you to be here. He has worked really hard on your room to make it super nice for you. He painted the walls and cleaned the floors and spent a whole weekend making sure it is nice for you. I have spent many hours sitting and thinking about you and me hanging out in your cool room. Your crib looks so comfortable! It takes a lot for me to not jump in and have a little nap under your sweet fish mobile. You are going to love your room so much!
I can't wait for when you get here. I think about when you will be born all of the time. Even though sometimes I eat things like ice cream and kids cereal, I know that you don't judge me. I try to eat balanced meals as often as I can so you can be healthy and strong. Plus, when I have a little bit of extra sugar, you do a funny sugar dance inside, which makes me smile. I love that!
I really don't know what life will be like when you're finally here, but I'm pretty sure that I will be able to make sure you are comfortable, happy and healthy. I am confident that you and I will work really well together to make sure things run smoothly. And when they don't, I will have your daddy here to help reassure me that whatever happens is normal, and that I just need to be patient with myself. All I know is that we will just want you to be happy, comfortable, dry, fed and entertained. I'm good at doing all of those things for myself - so I'm pretty sure that you will have a very comfortable life. :)
One thing is for sure, I can't control everything. I can, however, control how I feel about any given situation and I have always chosen to feel excited about you getting here. I think about how you and I will be able to hang out all of the time once you're here, and how nice it will be to be able to focus all of my attention on you. We are already best friends, though, because you and I have already spent so much time together. I don't mind it one bit, and I'm excited for us to spend lots of time together when you get here.
I love you, Finn! I am so grateful that you decided to pick me and your daddy. I know that you are a very special boy with a very special purpose. You are already strong, and smart, and funny because I am constantly impressed by the way you move, and how you react to me when I play with you. You have a sense of humor because I can always tell that you love when I laugh. I can't wait to laugh with you! Thank you for not being a boring baby. When I decided to be a mom, one of the reasons was because wanted to stop having a boring life. You have definitely made my life more exciting! How lucky I am!
I will see you soon, hopefully in about 2 months. That's not too bad! That's like if it was November 1 and I couldn't wait for Christmas. I can totally wait the 2 months to see you. The good news is that I already get to hang out with you every day. I get to feel you move, and I get to laugh at your hiccups. The only thing missing is being able to hold you and see you. I can't wait! You are so special! I love you!
Here is a picture of the beautiful Mother's Day flowers your daddy got me. They make me very happy and remind me that we are now a family. We love you so much, and every time I see this picture, I will be reminded that becoming a Mom to you was one of the best things I could have ever done. :)
Love,
Mom
