June 4 is a special day. 11 years ago today I underwent Gastric Bypass surgery. I was 19 years old. It's a pretty special day for me because on that day 11 years ago, my life changed forever!
I was always overweight growing up and I never felt like I got the chance to be "normal" when I was a child. I was always the most overweight kid in class and I never felt like I fit in quite right. Even when my mom wrote in my childhood journal, she talked about how she was worried about my weight at 4, 5 and 6 years old.
In my mid-teens I had to hide how I ate from my parents. As I got into my late teens, I started to not care and ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I really lost all control. I would store food under my bed or in my closet, afraid that someone would find my "stash" and take it from me. To this day, I am known to overbuy at the grocery store because I still worry about not having what I will want/need. That never goes away.
My parents always had my best interest at heart. My mom took me to doctors from the age of 6 on. I was always kept on a strict diet and exercise program, until I was 18. I visited a weight-loss camp twice in my teens to try to force a healthy lifestyle change by removing me from my every day environment. This did nothing but expose me to social situations I was not ready for, and only pushed me to think about the day I could come home and eat. My friends always ignored my weight problem and tried to include me the best they could. I had a very hard time trusting good friends, and still do to this day.
The list of things I tried is long, and the amount of money spent is high. Monthly doctor's visits, therapy, Weight Watchers, diet pills, crash diets, "zone" diets, blood type diets, exact menu diets, weight-loss camp (twice), expensive weekly hypnosis sessions for 1 year, shakes, meatless and even fasting were a few of the many things I tried. Once I realized that I was dealing with a true addiction, I knew that no diet could help me. I knew that I needed an "intervention".
Overeating to me was very calming. It sometimes made me very happy or excited if I mixed it with other activities, such as eating socially or eating in front of the computer/television. I found that when I ate, I instantly felt better, more healthy, and happier. I would compare it to any addiction, from smoking, to drugs or alcohol. It was (and is) the same process in my brain, and it is just as hard to quit.
I had the desire to be successful - I always had my final result in mind. I was taught from a young age to visualize myself achieving my goal. My struggle was with the method to get there. I couldn't stand the taste of diet food, and I had mental breakdowns if I had to force myself to diet. I felt a sense of panic and alarm when I knew I had to say no to fast food or treats. I hated not feeling like I could choose what I wanted. Diets and exercise took my freedom from me, and I hated feeling like I was forced to do something that made me feel so miserable. I also saw minimal results - which was disappointing time after time.
Eventually, once I decided how I was going to tackle my problem by having gastric bypass surgery, I had mixed reactions from my family and friends. My mom was excited for me, and worked hard to help me accomplish the goal. My dad felt I had the ability to change on my own, and encouraged me to work on my weight the "right way" of traditional diet and exercise. This was frustrating because I knew I had tried it, and wanted to prove him wrong.
Some of the physical issues I struggled with were a lot of gastric problems such as indigestion and heartburn as time came closer to my surgery. I could feel the acid climbing up my esophagus, and it was diagnosed as acid reflux. I also suffered from sleep apnea and after being tested, realized I quit breathing during the night multiple times. I noticed that the sleep apnea led to tiredness during the day to the point of narcolepsy. I lost 2 different jobs from falling asleep at my desk. I didn't think this had to do with the sleep apnea, but my doctor informed me that it did. Even from childhood on, I had suffered from high blood pressure. I had no energy, and I was very depressed emotionally. These were just a few of the physical problems I was dealing with right before surgery.
During the months before surgery, I had been "job-hopping". I often quit jobs or was fired because I had started to lose interest in life at the age of 18. Employers did not like that I appeared sloppy as an overweight person, despite how well I dressed or how professional and intelligent I was. I had numerous relationships, and all of them felt very superficial. I could not travel or spend a lot of time in places that did not accommodate overweight people well. I broke chairs, I ripped clothes, and my personality was over the top. I started to not care about anything. Everything was a joke, and nothing could keep me emotionally stable. I was literally out of control.
The simple fact offered to me by my doctor was that I would be dead before I was 30 if I continued to gain weight as I was doing. The sleep apnea combined with the acid reflux and gall bladder disease, my body was on a fast track to death.
On June 4, 2002 I was my heaviest at 349 pounds. On that day, I had open Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass surgery. The goal of the surgery is to re-wire your intestines and stomach, and to make a pouch so just a little bit of food can be allowed in the stomach. The nutrients are absorbed into the intestines, and sugars and fats are instantly absorbed into the blood stream. This causes the body to react to a small amount of sugar as if it is a lot. The result of eating ice cream or other sweets is called "dumping", or what I sometimes call "death". This violent physical reaction to unhealthy foods is what helps someone who is addicted to food stop their bad habits. It could be compared to an alcoholic being hungover to the point of passing out every time they take a couple of sips of alcohol. It trains the body and the mind to not want unhealthy things. This combined with the reduced size of the stomach forces the body to want less food, and mostly all healthy food. It is a great tool that takes the choice away from the food addict.
I saw results very fast, loosing 35 lbs in the first month. By 2 years after I had surgery, I had nearly hit my goal weight of 149 lbs, which is a 200 lb weight loss. I have gained back probably 75 of these pounds, but after 11 years, I consider it to be a great accomplishment to have kept it off for so long. Most of my weight gain has been in the past year or so since I've started trying to conceive and being pregnant. I'm excited to get back on track once Finn is here and I can focus on a lean diet and some great rigorous exercise.
I really feel like I have a unique story and that I've been super successful. Some may consider me still overweight based on how I look today... but I am still very proud of the journey I've taken to come as far as I have since I was 19. Now, I'm not going to be dead by the time I'm 30, I'm alive and about to bring another life into this world. How cool is that?!
Now, I try to help others when they are in the process of trying to decide whether or not to have surgery or which type of surgery is right for them. I usually ask questions to understand why they are dealing with obesity in the first place. To understand their triggers and the root cause, I can then help them decide on the best surgery option for them... or help them see if surgery is even right. There is no specific answer for any person, because everyone is so different.
I am excited to have Finn here so I can show him healthy eating habits while still allowing him choices when he is starting to eat as a toddler and a child. I know I can't make a big deal out of food, and I know that I must allow him the ability to choose from a variety of healthy options. I have to set an example for him and I know he will follow my lead. This is a big responsibility, but I am confident that I am ready for it!
Here is me before:
Happy 11 years to me! And here is to many more! :)
I was always overweight growing up and I never felt like I got the chance to be "normal" when I was a child. I was always the most overweight kid in class and I never felt like I fit in quite right. Even when my mom wrote in my childhood journal, she talked about how she was worried about my weight at 4, 5 and 6 years old.
In my mid-teens I had to hide how I ate from my parents. As I got into my late teens, I started to not care and ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I really lost all control. I would store food under my bed or in my closet, afraid that someone would find my "stash" and take it from me. To this day, I am known to overbuy at the grocery store because I still worry about not having what I will want/need. That never goes away.
My parents always had my best interest at heart. My mom took me to doctors from the age of 6 on. I was always kept on a strict diet and exercise program, until I was 18. I visited a weight-loss camp twice in my teens to try to force a healthy lifestyle change by removing me from my every day environment. This did nothing but expose me to social situations I was not ready for, and only pushed me to think about the day I could come home and eat. My friends always ignored my weight problem and tried to include me the best they could. I had a very hard time trusting good friends, and still do to this day.
The list of things I tried is long, and the amount of money spent is high. Monthly doctor's visits, therapy, Weight Watchers, diet pills, crash diets, "zone" diets, blood type diets, exact menu diets, weight-loss camp (twice), expensive weekly hypnosis sessions for 1 year, shakes, meatless and even fasting were a few of the many things I tried. Once I realized that I was dealing with a true addiction, I knew that no diet could help me. I knew that I needed an "intervention".
Overeating to me was very calming. It sometimes made me very happy or excited if I mixed it with other activities, such as eating socially or eating in front of the computer/television. I found that when I ate, I instantly felt better, more healthy, and happier. I would compare it to any addiction, from smoking, to drugs or alcohol. It was (and is) the same process in my brain, and it is just as hard to quit.
I had the desire to be successful - I always had my final result in mind. I was taught from a young age to visualize myself achieving my goal. My struggle was with the method to get there. I couldn't stand the taste of diet food, and I had mental breakdowns if I had to force myself to diet. I felt a sense of panic and alarm when I knew I had to say no to fast food or treats. I hated not feeling like I could choose what I wanted. Diets and exercise took my freedom from me, and I hated feeling like I was forced to do something that made me feel so miserable. I also saw minimal results - which was disappointing time after time.
Eventually, once I decided how I was going to tackle my problem by having gastric bypass surgery, I had mixed reactions from my family and friends. My mom was excited for me, and worked hard to help me accomplish the goal. My dad felt I had the ability to change on my own, and encouraged me to work on my weight the "right way" of traditional diet and exercise. This was frustrating because I knew I had tried it, and wanted to prove him wrong.
Some of the physical issues I struggled with were a lot of gastric problems such as indigestion and heartburn as time came closer to my surgery. I could feel the acid climbing up my esophagus, and it was diagnosed as acid reflux. I also suffered from sleep apnea and after being tested, realized I quit breathing during the night multiple times. I noticed that the sleep apnea led to tiredness during the day to the point of narcolepsy. I lost 2 different jobs from falling asleep at my desk. I didn't think this had to do with the sleep apnea, but my doctor informed me that it did. Even from childhood on, I had suffered from high blood pressure. I had no energy, and I was very depressed emotionally. These were just a few of the physical problems I was dealing with right before surgery.
During the months before surgery, I had been "job-hopping". I often quit jobs or was fired because I had started to lose interest in life at the age of 18. Employers did not like that I appeared sloppy as an overweight person, despite how well I dressed or how professional and intelligent I was. I had numerous relationships, and all of them felt very superficial. I could not travel or spend a lot of time in places that did not accommodate overweight people well. I broke chairs, I ripped clothes, and my personality was over the top. I started to not care about anything. Everything was a joke, and nothing could keep me emotionally stable. I was literally out of control.
The simple fact offered to me by my doctor was that I would be dead before I was 30 if I continued to gain weight as I was doing. The sleep apnea combined with the acid reflux and gall bladder disease, my body was on a fast track to death.
On June 4, 2002 I was my heaviest at 349 pounds. On that day, I had open Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass surgery. The goal of the surgery is to re-wire your intestines and stomach, and to make a pouch so just a little bit of food can be allowed in the stomach. The nutrients are absorbed into the intestines, and sugars and fats are instantly absorbed into the blood stream. This causes the body to react to a small amount of sugar as if it is a lot. The result of eating ice cream or other sweets is called "dumping", or what I sometimes call "death". This violent physical reaction to unhealthy foods is what helps someone who is addicted to food stop their bad habits. It could be compared to an alcoholic being hungover to the point of passing out every time they take a couple of sips of alcohol. It trains the body and the mind to not want unhealthy things. This combined with the reduced size of the stomach forces the body to want less food, and mostly all healthy food. It is a great tool that takes the choice away from the food addict.
I saw results very fast, loosing 35 lbs in the first month. By 2 years after I had surgery, I had nearly hit my goal weight of 149 lbs, which is a 200 lb weight loss. I have gained back probably 75 of these pounds, but after 11 years, I consider it to be a great accomplishment to have kept it off for so long. Most of my weight gain has been in the past year or so since I've started trying to conceive and being pregnant. I'm excited to get back on track once Finn is here and I can focus on a lean diet and some great rigorous exercise.
I really feel like I have a unique story and that I've been super successful. Some may consider me still overweight based on how I look today... but I am still very proud of the journey I've taken to come as far as I have since I was 19. Now, I'm not going to be dead by the time I'm 30, I'm alive and about to bring another life into this world. How cool is that?!
Now, I try to help others when they are in the process of trying to decide whether or not to have surgery or which type of surgery is right for them. I usually ask questions to understand why they are dealing with obesity in the first place. To understand their triggers and the root cause, I can then help them decide on the best surgery option for them... or help them see if surgery is even right. There is no specific answer for any person, because everyone is so different.
I am excited to have Finn here so I can show him healthy eating habits while still allowing him choices when he is starting to eat as a toddler and a child. I know I can't make a big deal out of food, and I know that I must allow him the ability to choose from a variety of healthy options. I have to set an example for him and I know he will follow my lead. This is a big responsibility, but I am confident that I am ready for it!
Here is me before:
Happy 11 years to me! And here is to many more! :)
